He Rocked My World & I Left

For the past year, I have abstained from sex. At the time, it felt vital in my self-love journey. Also, working on my first book proved to be a great distraction. I honestly was doing well and didn’t miss it. I no longer abused sex. I no longer used it to self-medicate. I didn’t think it could make someone love me. My mind felt clearer.

This past July I met The One Who is a Nudist on Craigslist.

Wait! Let me explain!

I love reading the Missed Connection section on CL. They range from being humorous, romantic, or downright naughty. You never know what you’re going to get!

There was an ad that caught my eye and I decided to respond. The poster lived in my apartment complex and was looking for someone who was sitting poolside the previous day. He posted a pic of his body and I thought he was the Russian guy that stayed around the corner. I later realized it wasn’t him. We kept chatting anyway and he eventually guessed who I was. He told me what car I drove and that he has checked me out before. We exchanged numbers and chatted from time to time. We even hung out without having sex. His nudity was a bit awkward at first but I started not to notice after a while. I eventually joined in on the fun. It was quite liberating!

He reached out to me after returning from a business trip last month. It was one of those nights when I was feeling lonely and craved human touch. We shared a joint, drank beers and listened to some chill-out music as usual. The vibe was phenomenal.

One thing led to another and his hands and mouth were everywhere! My body became his instrument and he plucked every string! His stamina was mind-blowing. I haven’t had sex like that since my early 20s! I had to tap out after a couple of hours. My soul felt like it was leaving my body.

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He wanted me to spend the night. I’m not used to sleeping next to anyone because they never stay. I’m so used to everyone leaving. It felt very awkward to me. He also snored like a freight train. Around 7am I left while he was sleeping and texted a lame excuse.

It’s been a month and there’s been little to no communication. After he failed to reply to my last couple of messages, I took the hint. Maybe he was offended that I left. Maybe it was a one night thing for him. At this point I do not care. But why did it have to be so good?

IT. WAS. SO. GOOD.

It Wasn’t My Race???

Sorry for not posting regularly. This is my last semester in grad school. I’ve also been putting the final touches on my poetry and prose collection, the chaos of longing. It’s frustrating but exciting becoming an indie author. Buy my book when it comes out. I need light bill money. Ha! The poetry is relatable, lusty, heartbreaking, and honest—sans humor. It’s kinda like this blog but with metaphors and not as wordy. Follow @_kyrobinson on Instagram or go to kyrobinson.net to view excerpts.

Anywho. Back to the subject at hand.

About 3 months ago I was lonely and feeling a bit ravenous. I hopped in the shower, shaved (everywhere), and oiled my body until I was glistening like Lupita Nyong’o! I asked Soothed if I could come over. It was quite late and I figured I didn’t have to spell out my intentions.

I sat on the couch as he played Dungeon and Dragons on his PC. After a few excruciating minutes he started up the Netflix. I just knew that the “Chill” part was right around the corner. Yes! Do me baby! (RIP to Prince though.) Usually around the 10 or 20-minute mark he’s discovering my right nipple.  I’ve relied on this fact for years.

THE CHILL NEVER CAME!  THE NIPPLE WAS NEVER FREED!

I gave him the light touches he couldn’t resist. I made sexual innuendos. I gave him the come hither stare. The cleavage was sitting high and looking ripe. Nothing worked. I even said that I was horny as a last ditch effort.

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Come on! It’s right there! Touch it. Touch it.

He was not catching what I was pitching. Awkward.

Towards the end of the movie, he received a text message and replied. By the next alert he’s lighting up like a Christmas tree. Awkwardness filled the room. He must have felt it too. He put his phone away and rejoined me on the couch.

I got up to use his bathroom. When I returned, he was back on his phone! He came back to the couch and claimed he was sleepy. I knew that was a lie. He made a production of it too. He yawned and laid his head on my shoulder. I told him I would go and let him get some rest. He told me to stay. He put on a new movie but continued to work on his craft. This Oscar unworthy performance was getting ridiculous. I took the hint and my ass back upstairs!

I remembered this behavior. When he met his ex, he became very distant. I decided to never speak to him again after that night. We crossed paths a couple of times but I pretended not to see him.

I couldn’t pretend that he didn’t exist yesterday.

My car stalled at an intersection during rush hour. I felt emotional, alone, and sweating like a pig in the Texas heat. A tow truck was being dispatched within the hour. Soothed saw me and pulled over. He got in my car and sat on the passenger side. I began to cry. He was the only person to stop. He told me that he didn’t know much about cars but would sit with me for a while.

He apologized for his behavior a few months ago and gave me an explanation that I already knew. He has a new girlfriend. He met her online and it was getting serious. So serious that he’s moving in with her. He asked if I wanted to see a picture of her. Of out curiosity I said yes. The pic took me by complete surprise.

She was black.

All this time I thought that he didn’t want to purse a relationship with me because I was black. I never threw the race card in his face but I took what he told me as prejudicial. Now I’m aware that it wasn’t my race; it was just me as a person. There was some relief but I also wondered why I wasn’t good enough. I guess he saw something in her in these past few months that he never saw in me for 5+ years.

Story of my life. Go figure.

I didn’t reveal those feelings though. I was just grateful that he was there for me in a moment when I felt so completely alone. Fridays is Dungeon and Dragons game night and he was running late. We shared a few gut busting laughs. He gushed about her  in between. Before leaving he said, “I love you sweetie. Text me to let me know you made it home safe.” At that moment I recalled what he told me a few years ago—some people are just meant to be friends.