Self-Love: The Struggle is Real

Writing my book has been a cathartic experience for me. Some of it was very hard to write but it was also liberating. The one thing that I struggle with is self-love. One may think that it is easy but there are times that I stumble. I wrote the following poems to challenge myself to look inward and learn how to love myself. 


if you eat men
and still feel
like you’re starving,
you’re craving something
that they cannot give.

don’t expect men
to fill vessels
that were gifted
to you to overflow.

find passion
and self-worth within
instead of
locking them
inside of men
who like swallowing keys
so they can keep you
all to themselves.

self-love ii

self-love is a journey.
sometimes you have to take it
in the heat of the day.
you will find yourself
on the side of the road
thirsty, sweaty
and out of breath.

you will crave
instant gratification.
you will want to slither
your way back to your
choice of poison,
throw your head back
and take a desperate gulp
because their skin
is all you know.

please don’t.
it’s time to learn
new things.

it’s time to give the love
you denied yourself
but frantically searched
for in others.
it’s time to realize that
love was never trapped
underneath their
lips and fingertips.
you held it hostage
the entire time.

If you can relate to the following and/or would like to show your support, please consider buying my book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Createspace


Online Dating Truly Annoys Me

A few weeks ago, I decided to dive back into online dating at my best friend’s urging. She was on Plenty of Fish and received many responses. I’ve never been on POF so I decided to reactivate my OkCupid account instead. Last year on OkCupid, I met The One Who Intrigues Me (the guy who wanted to become a polygamist). (Side note: He recently apologized and we went on another date. There were no sparks. I let him down gently and haven’t heard from him since.) Anyhoo, going back to OkCupid was pretty much a bust. There were tumbleweeds in my inbox. Also, I came across The One Who Soothed Me profile during a search. Yeah, that was awkward.

After leaving that ghost town, I decided to give POF a try. Boy was she right! I received messages left and right. It was unbelievable. And most of the guys were easy on the eyes! Where have these sexy specimens been all my life? I felt like a Beyoncé in the midst of admirers. I wasn’t accustomed to this type of attention that seemed to gush out like a glorious fountain. My ego was eating this up! I figured if I were to find someone new, I would move on from these jerks I attract. Maybe I would find The One.

Initially, POF was fun but it became overwhelming and irritating. The One Who Never Let Up found me and flooded my inbox daily. It became so severe that I blocked him. Also, Soothed had a profile on POF too! Was he going for some damn dating profile record? In addition, the messages that flooded in were the same ole same ole. No one really stood out. It was the same compliments, small talk and number exchange requests. It was like they were reading from the same script. Besides, I couldn’t possibly give my phone number to nearly 20 guys. What was a girl to do?

I exchanged numbers with 3 prospects simply because they were chattier than others. It turned out they weren’t so chatty. They solely communicated with me via text. Does anyone pick up the damn phone anymore? This seemed all too familiar. It reminded me of The One Who Loves to Text. These were 3 smelly big red flags. They vanished after I stopped responding. I didn’t see the point. They were probably married or had a girlfriend.

I grew even more irritated. I deleted my profile. This was the most annoying 3 weeks of my life.

Honestly, I don’t think that I am ready to date. I’m still on this journey of self-love and discovery. A sista gets lonely though. I lie awake at night wanting someone to find me in the dark. I want to get lost in someone’s eyes. I can’t remember the last time I was kissed and lost my breath. I want to fight and make up. I want to walk hand in hand. I want people to tell my boo and I that we’re such a cute couple.

Although I want those things, I don’t want to get to the point where a man is my only source of happiness. I want to complement him, not consume him. Been there, done that and have a t-shirt two sizes too small. Masturbation gets redundant but another casual relationship will only add more fuel to my love addiction’s fire. Maybe I’m just better off alone for now. Maybe I should get a cat or update my toy collection. Hubba. Hubba.

(Another side note: A few days after I deleted my profile, Soothed asked me if I was still on POF because he didn’t see me anymore. Why was he even looking for me? I told him that POF wasn’t my cup of tea.)