Mediocre Updates & One Big Ass Announcement

I’ve been abandoning this blog lately. I didn’t realize it’s been 4 months!

I have a couple of mediocre updates. I got fired from my job due to missing too many days. Sometimes I get so mentally exhausted that I cannot get out of bed and take my ass to work.

At the urging of my best friend, I’m going to give online dating another chance, again. The other night I saw my vibrator on my nightstand and had an actual conversation with it. I said, “Heyyyyyy boo”. No lie. I actually said that. By the way, the Satisyher Pro 2 is amazing! Nope. No one’s paying me to say that. I got it with my own coins. I even named it.

Anywho!!! Time for the big ass announcement!!!

My self-published poetry collection The Chaos of Longing got picked up by Andrews McMeel Publishing and is being re-released September 26th. They have published books like Rupi Kaur’s New York Times Bestseller Milk and Honey and The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace. I mailed them my book proposal in March and was contacted several weeks later. Never in my wildest dreams I thought this little book would take me this far. I never thought I would sell 4 copies let alone over 14,000! Sometimes I wonder if this is really my life. That I somehow found my way. That I turned all of my hurt into art. I’m constantly pinching myself.

 

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photo credit: milqyuartz on tmblr

I cannot say that the journey has been perfect. Being so vulnerable caused a great deal of anxiety for me. I wondered how others would perceive me after reading this book. Was I too open? Too graphic? Too broken?

Reading book reviews also made me anxious. My heart felt like it was beating out my chest whenever I checked reviews online. Whenever I read negative reviews, I took them too personally.  I felt like I wasn’t being what people needed me to be. I’m slowly realizing that I cannot please everyone and that’s ok. My book ain’t for everybody!

This journey has also been amazing. So many women have reached out to me telling me what the book has meant to them. It’s helped them through breakups and divorces. It made them realized they deserve more. That my book encapsulated everything they felt but couldn’t express. Them reaching out to me helped me too. It made me realize that I wasn’t alone.

So go out there and support a sista this coming September 26th. I cannot afford to flop. This revised and expanded edition includes over 50 new pages.  If you would like to grab the self-published edition, you can get it here. But hurry. It’s going out of print soon! Thank you for all of your support!

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Our First (and Last) Date

A few months ago I decided to try online dating due to my best friend’s urging—yet again. I got an influx of messages from pervs who liked big women and dudes who didn’t know basic grammar and mechanics.

There was one guy who stood out though. He was a self-employed real estate broker that recently moved to Houston from the Pacific Northwest. He was 51, handsome, a world traveler, single and had no children. No children? Never been married? Was he a fucking unicorn?

He was respectful, genuine and very easy to talk to. After a few weeks of chatting, we decided to meet in person. I was quite nervous. My last date didn’t go so well. It was quite a disaster and I never wanted to do it ever again.

We decided to meet a casual restaurant near my place. The place was completely deserted and it made me feel at ease because I’m not a fan of big crowds. I barely leave my apartment unless I’m working or running errands. I paced around in the restroom. I fixed my bra, touched up my makeup and readjusted my Spanx. What if I looked better in my pics than in person? What if he looked better in his pics than in person? What if there’s no chemistry? What if it’s awkward? Will we be going Dutch?

He entered the restaurant shortly after I seated myself. We greeted each other with a hug and he said “Wow”. I’m going to assume that the “wow” was in response to my blinding beauty. Yeah. Let’s go with that, shall we?

We have a few glasses of wine and a light meal. We talked and laughed for a couple of hours. It was a good date overall.

It was our only date.

We’ve talked and hung out a lot since then. We decided that we weren’t ready to seriously date anyone. He’s not as financially settled as he would like to be. He is also Airbnb-ing from one place to the next. I’m still on this self-love journey and trying to get my shit together. Even though we agreed on this, I feel like we’re using these obstacles as a crutch.

The last time we were intimate, he told me that he was giving himself 6 months to get himself together and will find someone in his age range. I guess that excludes me. I’m 15 years his junior. A part of me was somewhat disappointed but when has anyone ever chosen me?

I know. I know. My time will come.

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