Mediocre Updates & One Big Ass Announcement

I’ve been abandoning this blog lately. I didn’t realize it’s been 4 months!

I have a couple of mediocre updates. I got fired from my job due to missing too many days. Sometimes I get so mentally exhausted that I cannot get out of bed and take my ass to work.

At the urging of my best friend, I’m going to give online dating another chance, again. The other night I saw my vibrator on my nightstand and had an actual conversation with it. I said, “Heyyyyyy boo”. No lie. I actually said that. By the way, the Satisyher Pro 2 is amazing! Nope. No one’s paying me to say that. I got it with my own coins. I even named it.

Anywho!!! Time for the big ass announcement!!!

My self-published poetry collection The Chaos of Longing got picked up by Andrews McMeel Publishing and is being re-released September 26th. They have published books like Rupi Kaur’s New York Times Bestseller Milk and Honey and The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace. I mailed them my book proposal in March and was contacted several weeks later. Never in my wildest dreams I thought this little book would take me this far. I never thought I would sell 4 copies let alone over 14,000! Sometimes I wonder if this is really my life. That I somehow found my way. That I turned all of my hurt into art. I’m constantly pinching myself.

 

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photo credit: milqyuartz on tmblr

I cannot say that the journey has been perfect. Being so vulnerable caused a great deal of anxiety for me. I wondered how others would perceive me after reading this book. Was I too open? Too graphic? Too broken?

Reading book reviews also made me anxious. My heart felt like it was beating out my chest whenever I checked reviews online. Whenever I read negative reviews, I took them too personally.  I felt like I wasn’t being what people needed me to be. I’m slowly realizing that I cannot please everyone and that’s ok. My book ain’t for everybody!

This journey has also been amazing. So many women have reached out to me telling me what the book has meant to them. It’s helped them through breakups and divorces. It made them realized they deserve more. That my book encapsulated everything they felt but couldn’t express. Them reaching out to me helped me too. It made me realize that I wasn’t alone.

So go out there and support a sista this coming September 26th. I cannot afford to flop. This revised and expanded edition includes over 50 new pages.  If you would like to grab the self-published edition, you can get it here. But hurry. It’s going out of print soon! Thank you for all of your support!

Beast of a Burden

Some of this content may be triggering and/or explicit. 

Hypersexuality is a beast of a burden. For the past year, I’ve been doing well in controlling my hypersexuality by not having sex by seeking self-pleasure, fantasies, and copious amount of porn instead. Oh, yeah! And Ben & Jerry’s too! Well, that changed a couple of days ago. I finally saw Fire after an entire year. I was able to turn him a way a couple of times but the craving was still there. A sista was backed up and needed to unclog her drain!

After days of texting back and forth, I decided to see him. I greeted him at the door in a satin robe and white laces panties that he requested. He kissed on my neck and I undressed before him. Then I dropped to my knees and took him in my mouth. The sex was just as raw and intense as I remembered. About halfway through the session, something in me switched. I became maniac. I assumed it was ecstasy initially but now I know that it wasn’t. He began to tell me during sex that when he first saw he had to go to the bathroom and jack off because my big breasts were such a turn on. Ordinarily I wouldn’t engage such a statement but I wanted to know more. “Tell me more,” I said as I thrust him deeper inside of me.

“Those big titties turned me on so much I wanted to take you behind the building and rape the hell out of you!”

Instead of the side eye or an “Oh no you didn’t just say that!” I responded “Oh yeah!!! Rape me!!!”

“Next time I’ll bring a fake knife and pretend to rape you.”

I began to laugh manically.

Who gets turned on or laugh about being raped? I was a rape victim for Pete’s sake!

Afterwards he showed me pics of well endowed black women on his phone and I had no qualms looking at them. Before he left he said that he wanted us to sexually exclusive. He claims I’m the only woman he’s been with sexually since we’ve met but I don’t believe it. I told him that I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else. I don’t know why I agreed to the arrangement. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend or buys my lavish gifts! We haven’t even been on an official date! I didn’t hold up my end on the “bargain” though. The beast took over. I wanted more. My pussy was sore and I still wanted more. I felt like a bottomless pit.

Several hours later I sent a nude pic to Soothed. He told me that I was beautiful and that he missed me. Those words rushed through my veins and felt like glitter. I felt so sparkly on the inside.

“What do you miss about me?” I said in an attempt to fish for more compliments.

“I miss your comfortable presence. I miss your hugs and your laugh. I miss how easy it is to hang out with you. I miss how silly you get with wine. I miss your boobs and your orgasms and your warm body under my fingers.”

His response sound like it came from a chick flick. The only thing missing was an epic kiss in the pouring rain. More glitter rushed into my veins. I needed to release all this DAMN glitter! He asked if he could come over and cuddle. Cuddle is the equivalent of Netflix and Chill in my opinion. We cuddled for about ten minutes before he began massaging me. He traced his fingers all over my body. His touch felt like fire and I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Taste me. Please taste me,” I said desperately as I lowered his head. And for a few hours we caressed and tasted each other. When it was all over I could feel the glitter dancing on my clitoris. I still wanted more!

He spent the night and we got the chance to actually cuddle. I felt so safe in his arms. The next day as he embraced me I said, “You comfort me a lot. Maybe it’s the hugs.”

He looked me deep in my eyes and said “You mean a lot to me.”

Last night I rolled over in bed hoping to feel him there. I’m afraid that might happen again tonight…