So There’s This Guy…Well…Guys (Part II)


(FYI. Part II won’t make sense unless you read Part I.)

What was this life altering news? Are you sitting down? Please tell me that you are sitting down.

I found out that The One Who Sets Me On Fire and The One Who Is Special are in a blossoming bromance.

Yes. You read that correctly. They initially became friends on Facebook but I did not think much of it. I’m FB friends with people that I’ll never talk to on the phone nor see in person. But somehow, someway they have been hanging out in the flesh! From what I could gather (as inconspicuously as possible), the bromance began in October. How did I find out? Special mentioned his name in passing. I tried not to seem too interested because I did not want to raise any suspicion.

“Yeah, we talked about you the other day,” he said casually. He rapidly changed the subject (damn ADD) but I redirected him.

“Oh…really? Y’all talked about me? All good things I hope,” I nervously said.

“Yeah. We were just talking about how cool you are. He was just saying how you [like to] attend art shows…”


Was that it? No discussion about how both their penises attended my vagina?

I let out a big sigh of relief in my head. That big sigh turned even smaller after he showed me what Fire gave him. Sidenote: Fire has never bought me a gift. Never! Unless I counted the 15 pack of Heineken that I’ve slowly been giving away for months because I don’t drink beer!

My heart nearly stopped. What the hell was going on?! Am I being Punk’d? Is this the f*cking Twilight Zone? Did I pop a Molly?

I cracked a smile and jokingly asked, “So are you guys like besties now?”

“Yeah. Something like that,” he nonchalantly replied.

How in the entire f*ck did this happen? I can see why they would make great friends. They’re comic book nerds, free spirits and work in the same profession. But why me? Why is this my life? Ugh!

I doubt Fire will say anything because of his need for discretion but I cannot say the same for Special. He tends to go on tangents. What if he mentions my vagina during one of those tangents? It shouldn’t concern me because I’m not with either one of them. In addition, my vajayjay belongs to me. But we all know that I will look like a Sluts McGee in their eyes.

I cannot go through another embarrassing situation like this. Yes. Another one. Let’s take a skanky trip down memory lane. Shall we?

The year was 2003. I met The One Who Was a Rude Boy while employed at Old Navy. He was a Caribbean teenager who flirted with me constantly. I did not take him seriously because he was barely legal. After our shift, I met The One With Dreadlocks—his older brother. There was an instant attraction. I pestered Rude Boy about his brother but he was being such a cock blocker. I devised another plan—get close to Rude Boy to get to Dreadlocks.

I could barely catch up with the object of my desire when I visited Rude Boy. I gave up on my mission. Rude Boy and I slept together once but I still couldn’t get Dreadlocks off my mind. When I finally encountered Dreadlocks, I made my move. I kicked Rude Boy to the curb and took Dreadlocks as my new lover.

We perfected the art of discretion until Rude Boy walked in on us bumping and grinding a few months later. He told us to have fun and left. Once the dust settled, we continued our trysts. We later drifted apart after I told him that I wanted to be with him. He reconsidered the relationship idea months later but the thrill was gone. I also saw the err of my ways.

Last summer, I saw a pic of Dreadlocks and his new wife on Facebook. And here I am. Still single. Maybe I am a Sluts McGee…

Present day I find myself in another pickle. Maybe pickle is the wrong word. What is a girl to do? I’m honestly at a loss for words even though I just typed over 700 of them.

So There’s This Guy…Well…Guys (Part I)

(Please forgive me for taking so long to post an entry. The last thing I wanted was for this blog fall to the wayside. Grad school was stressful and busy. I haven’t attended college since 2008 and I was a deer caught in headlights. So much in academia has changed! I do have good news though. My GPA was a 4.0 this past semester. Yay! Anywho, I have so much to say. I’m several months behind! Yes! Several!)

Late summer, I met this guy. Let’s call him The One Who Sets Me On Fire. I met him in an art gallery and was drawn to him instantly. I initially did not think that I was his type. Within a couple of months, we start spending time together after he admitted his attraction to me. By spending time together I mean having sex. I know. I know. Let the collective eye rolls begin! But honey this man makes my body feel things that it has never felt before. It is damn near tantric y’all. I love his bohemian nature, sense of humor, intelligence and the way that he looks at me. The passion between us is raw, tangible and undeniable. When I stare into his eyes and run my fingers through his hippie hair, everything disappears. We are one. Although these past four months have been intense, I have managed not to fall for him. I know what this is and what it is not. Even though there is a freedom in not expecting anything, I also find it quite detaching. Being discreet is also a b*tch. We have to pretend that we have not seen each other naked if we happen to find ourselves at the same functions.

Let’s call guy #2 The One Who Is Special. We had known each other since high school but through the power of social networking, we grew extremely close. We share common interests and he is very easy to talk to. He is kind, funny, intelligent and understanding. He has bipolar disorder too and he’s extremely ADD but it makes him even more intriguing to me. But there seems to be an issue of some sorts—his ex. Although he said that he is over their 8 year relationship, he brings it up a lot. He said that he is afraid to be in a new relationship because he felt so comfortable with her. He talks about their break up too. He said that a part of him is cold. I understand where he is coming from to a certain extent but it has been 2 years. Two f*cking years!

After we slept together a few months ago, we both decided that we should keep things platonic. He was too much in head during our intimate moment and it was a major turn off for me. He later informed me of his interest in someone else and wanted to see where it would lead. Needless to say, his prospect rejected his advances but by this time, I did not want to be his consolation prize.

Although Special expressed that he would be with me, he goes on a tangent about his last relationship and it’s quite frustrating. Due to this frustration, I decided to keep Fire around. Why not? At least with him there was transparency. With Special, I feel like I’m hanging on a thread as I wait for a sign. I even told him that I loved him once and he freaked out. I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I thought it would get the ball rolling. (insert awkward laugh here)

A few weeks ago, Special decided to distance himself from me because of my Facebook post about another man. I won’t lie. Although the post was indeed accurate, a part of me did it to make him jealous. Any type of reaction would be nice from him. He jokingly admitted his jealousy but that was it. Then he disappeared from my life. I did miss him terribly but what was a girl to do? I have feelings for him too but I cannot chase another man. I always end up with egg on my face. I also cannot compete with the ghost of his ex nor convince someone to be with me.

We made up this past weekend. He even told me that our reconciliation made him feel whole again. He said the thought of me being with another man was upsetting because of his feelings for me. When I tried to get him to open up more about said feelings, he shut down.  A part of me wants to hold up a boom box and play a song for him that perfectly describes my feelings for him. Then he’d kiss me and the next scene will fast forward to our wedding. I want to go full on Meredith Grey on him and say, “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” I want shake him until he admits something…anything! Why can’t he admit it?

Perhaps I just like the idea of us. Perhaps my love addiction is in overdrive and I’m just grasping at straws. Maybe I’m holding unto nothing as defiantly as I can. I’m very good at that—making something out of nothing.

But alas, I will not get the storybook ending. This is me after all. Just as we began to fall back into a comfortable place, he told me something that could change the dynamics of our relationship forever…