Our First (and Last) Date

A few months ago I decided to try online dating due to my best friend’s urging—yet again. I got an influx of messages from pervs who liked big women and dudes who didn’t know basic grammar and mechanics.

There was one guy who stood out though. He was a self-employed real estate broker that recently moved to Houston from the Pacific Northwest. He was 51, handsome, a world traveler, single and had no children. No children? Never been married? Was he a fucking unicorn?

He was respectful, genuine and very easy to talk to. After a few weeks of chatting, we decided to meet in person. I was quite nervous. My last date didn’t go so well. It was quite a disaster and I never wanted to do it ever again.

We decided to meet a casual restaurant near my place. The place was completely deserted and it made me feel at ease because I’m not a fan of big crowds. I barely leave my apartment unless I’m working or running errands. I paced around in the restroom. I fixed my bra, touched up my makeup and readjusted my Spanx. What if I looked better in my pics than in person? What if he looked better in his pics than in person? What if there’s no chemistry? What if it’s awkward? Will we be going Dutch?

He entered the restaurant shortly after I seated myself. We greeted each other with a hug and he said “Wow”. I’m going to assume that the “wow” was in response to my blinding beauty. Yeah. Let’s go with that, shall we?

We have a few glasses of wine and a light meal. We talked and laughed for a couple of hours. It was a good date overall.

It was our only date.

We’ve talked and hung out a lot since then. We decided that we weren’t ready to seriously date anyone. He’s not as financially settled as he would like to be. He is also Airbnb-ing from one place to the next. I’m still on this self-love journey and trying to get my shit together. Even though we agreed on this, I feel like we’re using these obstacles as a crutch.

The last time we were intimate, he told me that he was giving himself 6 months to get himself together and will find someone in his age range. I guess that excludes me. I’m 15 years his junior. A part of me was somewhat disappointed but when has anyone ever chosen me?

I know. I know. My time will come.




It Wasn’t My Race???

Sorry for not posting regularly. This is my last semester in grad school. I’ve also been putting the final touches on my poetry and prose collection, the chaos of longing. It’s frustrating but exciting becoming an indie author. Buy my book when it comes out. I need light bill money. Ha! The poetry is relatable, lusty, heartbreaking, and honest—sans humor. It’s kinda like this blog but with metaphors and not as wordy. Follow @_kyrobinson on Instagram or go to kyrobinson.net to view excerpts.

Anywho. Back to the subject at hand.

About 3 months ago I was lonely and feeling a bit ravenous. I hopped in the shower, shaved (everywhere), and oiled my body until I was glistening like Lupita Nyong’o! I asked Soothed if I could come over. It was quite late and I figured I didn’t have to spell out my intentions.

I sat on the couch as he played Dungeon and Dragons on his PC. After a few excruciating minutes he started up the Netflix. I just knew that the “Chill” part was right around the corner. Yes! Do me baby! (RIP to Prince though.) Usually around the 10 or 20-minute mark he’s discovering my right nipple.  I’ve relied on this fact for years.


I gave him the light touches he couldn’t resist. I made sexual innuendos. I gave him the come hither stare. The cleavage was sitting high and looking ripe. Nothing worked. I even said that I was horny as a last ditch effort.


Come on! It’s right there! Touch it. Touch it.

He was not catching what I was pitching. Awkward.

Towards the end of the movie, he received a text message and replied. By the next alert he’s lighting up like a Christmas tree. Awkwardness filled the room. He must have felt it too. He put his phone away and rejoined me on the couch.

I got up to use his bathroom. When I returned, he was back on his phone! He came back to the couch and claimed he was sleepy. I knew that was a lie. He made a production of it too. He yawned and laid his head on my shoulder. I told him I would go and let him get some rest. He told me to stay. He put on a new movie but continued to work on his craft. This Oscar unworthy performance was getting ridiculous. I took the hint and my ass back upstairs!

I remembered this behavior. When he met his ex, he became very distant. I decided to never speak to him again after that night. We crossed paths a couple of times but I pretended not to see him.

I couldn’t pretend that he didn’t exist yesterday.

My car stalled at an intersection during rush hour. I felt emotional, alone, and sweating like a pig in the Texas heat. A tow truck was being dispatched within the hour. Soothed saw me and pulled over. He got in my car and sat on the passenger side. I began to cry. He was the only person to stop. He told me that he didn’t know much about cars but would sit with me for a while.

He apologized for his behavior a few months ago and gave me an explanation that I already knew. He has a new girlfriend. He met her online and it was getting serious. So serious that he’s moving in with her. He asked if I wanted to see a picture of her. Of out curiosity I said yes. The pic took me by complete surprise.

She was black.

All this time I thought that he didn’t want to purse a relationship with me because I was black. I never threw the race card in his face but I took what he told me as prejudicial. Now I’m aware that it wasn’t my race; it was just me as a person. There was some relief but I also wondered why I wasn’t good enough. I guess he saw something in her in these past few months that he never saw in me for 5+ years.

Story of my life. Go figure.

I didn’t reveal those feelings though. I was just grateful that he was there for me in a moment when I felt so completely alone. Fridays is Dungeon and Dragons game night and he was running late. We shared a few gut busting laughs. He gushed about her  in between. Before leaving he said, “I love you sweetie. Text me to let me know you made it home safe.” At that moment I recalled what he told me a few years ago—some people are just meant to be friends.