These Damn Fibroids

If you recall about 3 years I went to the gynecologist and found out I had fibroids after a few years of irregular and heavy menstrual cycles.  For the past couple of years my cycle has gotten worse. Although it comes regularly now, it’s much heavier, 7-12 days long, and extremely painful. There are times that I cannot get out of bed. I have to wear two overnight pads and change them every 2-3 hours. I pass blood clots that are the size of plums. I have nagging pelvic pain every single day. My stomach feels full as hell even when I’m hungry as hell. I have back pain. I’m anemic and but still feel weak half the time even though my prescribed dose has been doubled. It’s excruciating y’all.


Up to 10 hours? Yeah for normal va jay jays!

So I tried to get another opinion. She prescribed me birth control. At our last appointment in March she basically fat shamed me and said that I if didn’t lose weight I would have to find another provider. So I decided to get a third opinion and leave her because, yeah, she’s a bitch.

Third doctor tried to discourage surgery this past summer. She said that they may come back and that they may need to take out my uterus. So she prescribed birth control for the pain and to lessen the flow. But here’s the thing…I would like to conceive someday. I can’t stay on birth control forever. I also tend to forget to take them sometimes. She also requested a trans-vaginal ultrasound but the hospital didn’t take my damn insurance. Sigh.

I started to feel hopeless but sought out a fourth opinion anyway. This past Monday I went to see someone new about my fibroids. I’ve had enough. I expressed my concerns to the gynecologist and for the first time I felt like someone was listening to me! We discussed options, invasive and non-invasive. He also did blood work to check my blood count. He also examined my uterus. I began to scream out in pain.

“Yeah, you’re going to need surgery. You have a 18 to 20 week uterus,”he said as he felt around.

“Are you serious?????!!!!!”

None of the previous doctors gave me such information. Here’s an illustration I snagged from in case you need a visual. I know I did!


The normal size of a non-pregnant uterus is the size of upside pear or about 7cm. So an 18-20 week pregnancy is close to the belly button and it’s about 18-20 centimeters. So I’m basically about 5 months pregnant with fibroids instead of a baby. After he examined me, I can still feel where he’s been a few days later. I have pain from my belly button down to my pelvis. My shortness of breath has worsen.

I’m having a trans-vaginal ultrasound this Friday. Once he gets back the results, we are going to have a more in-depth discussion about options next week.

Although surgery scares me, I’m just glad that someone finally took my concerns seriously. Took 3 damn years though! I hope I don’t need a hysterectomy.

Sh*t I Learned (or Relearned) in 2014

  1. I’m not ready to date. I’ve activated and reactivated my OK Cupid and POF accounts more than I can count. The thought of dating terrifies me. I’m still searching for myself and I’m not together financially, spiritually, and emotionally. It could also could be attributed to not being used to dating; I’m used to situationships aka booty calls. I sometimes feel if someone got to know the real me—behind my witty and fun loving nature—they would undoubtedly run for the damn hills. I’m also afraid of getting hurt again. It’s easier getting your feelings hurt by a booty call than an actual boyfriend. I naturally expect rejection from romantically or emotionally unavailable men no matter how much it may suck.
  2. I’m tired of being an occasional snack. I’ve been bumping uglies with The One Who Sets Me on Fire off and on. I’ve gone months without seeing or hearing from him. He sent me a Facebook message wishing me Happy New Year and that he was “itching for [my] juiciness”. Instead of being my usual needy self, I simply wished him a Happy New Year and ignored the innuendo. He was the last man to touch my body but I’m just sick and tired of being his occasional snack. I don’t want a relationship but at least don’t make me feel like you’re using me. (in my Chandler Bing voice) “Could you be any more obvious?”
  3. I went to grad school for the wrong reason. I went to grad school to get quick money to purchase another car. (The previous one was stolen.) A year later, the car needed an engine. Where can I quickly pull $1500+ out my ass? School of course. I’ve looked for employment off and on and the loan money has given me extra income in the meantime. The money ran out last semester and I haven’t paid my credit cards in 3 months. Bummer. In 2015, I have to find gainful employment! These bills are no joke! It would be nice to get money that I don’t have to pay back!
  4. I’m really into healing crystals! When I was a little girl, I was fascinated with these small pebbles my mama used to get in the mail. I would dig in the yard looking for more but I always found marbles. I thought they had magical powers too. Upon learning more, I now know that my mother probably received clear quartz thumb stones. I’ve collected several tumble stones and a jade yoni egg. I want to significantly increase my collection in 2015. I also want to balance my overactive and underactive chakras. Smokey quartz and carnelian are my favorite gemstones!
  5. I’m an empath. I honestly thought that there was something wrong with me. When others tell me their problems, I find myself absorbing their pain instead of offering viable solutions. When I see complete strangers happy, upset, or sad, I soak up their feelings like a sponge. I overindulge in food to combat emotional stress. I could go on and on but I didn’t realize this until I start learning more about healing crystals. Go figure.
  6. It’s ok to say no. I have a hard time saying no but I have seen some minor improvements in 2014. I don’t feel as obligated to answer calls or texts, to be someone’s lackey, or to have sex. I’ve turned down a few romps in the hay with men from my past in 2014. The 2013 me probably would have taken them on the offer. I haven’t shaved my legs, underarms, and yoni in months and it is f*cking liberating!
  7. I need a spiritual outlet. I’m not the biggest fan of religion. Since denouncing religion, I really haven’t taken the time to become spirituality attuned with the universe or even myself. In order to become more spiritually aware, I also need align the mental and physical. That’s gonna take a lotta work. Wish me luck y’all!

What did you learned (or relearned) in 2014?

P.S. January 6th is my birthday. I’ll be 35. Gosh, I’m damn near 40.