A Complete 180°

Something happened Sunday morning that has thrown me in a tailspin. A week after Intrigue told me his plans of practicing polygamy, he had something new to tell me. We haven’t conversed much since he dropped the previous bombshell. I would be lying if I said that he hasn’t been on my mind though. I am very drawn to him and we have a lot in common. My plan was still to run as fast as I could though! I couldn’t see myself being a part of a polygamist lifestyle. I began to wonder if Lawyer and I was something I wanted to pursue too. I had doubts about both situations. They weren’t exactly picture perfect.

The only reason why I fled to Lawyer was because Intrigue was dating other people. Even though I should naturally explore my options anyway, I in essence started to see him because my ego felt bruised. I made Intrigue a priority when I was one of his options. I felt like a fool because I didn’t have a backup. Now I know that I should date other people as way to expand my horizons, not to use as a bandage or a coping mechanism. 

You’re dating other people? Aren’t I good enough for you negro?

Speaking of Lawyer, I failed to share that we were polar opposites. He is a Christian; I’m non-religious. He has a street mentality; I’m the hippie holding the peace sign. He’s a werewolf; I’m a vampire. He doesn’t even kiss me. When I do show affection, he seems a little put off by it. Although his stamina (and rod) is utterly amazing, we lack a level of intimacy during sex. After spending the past weekend with him, I’m feeling increasingly unfulfilled. I feel more like his sidekick instead of someone he passionately desires.

Before leaving Lawyer’s place, Intrigue contacted me. I called him after I arrived back home and he told me some news that floored me. He said that he has been doing some reflecting this past week and decided that polygamy is not an option that he wants to pursue anymore. Whaaaaaa??? Stop the presses!!! Where did this sudden change of heart dropped in and exploded from?

Pardon me as I partake in my happy dance.

He said that he had a talk with a friend and it made him reconsider his viewpoint. He wouldn’t go into specifics about their conversation but said that she mirrored some of the things I expressed. He said that he feels that being in a monogamous relationship at this point of his life is what’s best. He did stress that he is still going to date other people in the meantime but will narrow it down to one in the end. This has went from an episode of Sister Wives to The Bachelor!

I wonder what else influenced his decision because he seemed so gung-ho about it just days earlier. He was so self-righteous and spoke so matter of factly about it. It was a complete 180°. Did he approach other women about his desires to practice polygamy? Did these other women b*tch slap him? Did he realize that a man of his means couldn’t afford this lifestyle? How could one conversation undo everything—especially after the type of upbringing he had?

What did you just say???!!! You want to visit other cats and deposit in their litter boxes?

He opened up to me about his feelings for me. He told me that I’m a great person and that us being just friends couldn’t be an alternative for us. (Sidenote: If that’s the case, why is dating other chicks? Hmm. I digress…) He also expressed that my lack of contact bothered him. It made him wonder if I truly had interest in him. I will admit that I am terrible at not calling. Nearly all the dating experts say that the man should initiate contact. It’s been something that I’ve adopted because calling men like a pesky telemarketer didn’t particularly work in my favor either. I thought I was doing him a favor. (shrugs shoulders)

My friends wonders if this sudden revelation is sincere. He’s always made the effort to be honest with me and I don’t doubt his sincerity. This new revelation doesn’t mean I will drop everything and run slow motion into his arms. I am walking cautiously and sightseeing along the way to exercise my options too. If we arrive at the final destination hand in hand, fine. If not, that’s cool too.


Dirty Little Secret (Warning: It’s Gross)

I have never been so embarrassed in my entire life! The other night Soothed and I made plans to see each other after his game. He plays warcraft…warlord…some type of shit every Friday evening. He’s played it religiously in the 2+ years that I’ve known him. We scheduled a play date upon his arrival after midnight. Yes, it was during booty call hours. Damn it, I know but I was horny! Every since I breached my celibacy, I have been craving sex daily!

I tried to monitor what I ate during the day because my stomach can be sensitive and basically evacuate nearly everything that I eat. Yes, I was trying not to boo boo y’all. All day I was doing pretty well. I got hungry around 11pm and decided to eat a harmless turkey sandwich and grapes. Seems like a simple meal, right? Tell me why at 11:30pm I had to shit? It couldn’t have come at a worse time. I tried to clean up as best I could and started to get self-conscious. What it still smells back there? What if he gets dookie residues on him?

He contacted me shortly after midnight and a part of me freaked out. Should I cancel? Am I just overreacting? After going back and forth with myself, I decided to go over. What is the worse that could happen? Right?

We did our usual thing: kissed like it was going out of style, undressed in the living room, and arrived in his bedroom. He kissed me all over and turned me over. I hoped and wished that he wouldn’t go anywhere near that conflicted area. He inserted his finger. I gasped and cringed on the inside! I knew that he was going to say something, either directly or indirectly. “You’re still dirty back there,” he announced. I was flabbergasted! I wanted to hide underground like Saddam Hussein. I wanted Calgon to take my ass away! Where was Aladdin and his fucking magic carpet?

He suggested that I should perform a makeshift enema in the shower. (Translation: He wanted me to press the detachable shower head against my booty hole and fill my belly up until I had the urge to release it.) I was so embarrassed but he reassured me that it was ok. But it wasn’t ok. All I wanted to do was bolt like The One Who Left During Sex did to me. I decided to try out his suggestion. I was in the shower 10-15 minutes. The water wasn’t filling me up like it was supposed to. I tried again for several more minutes. At this point, I got frustrated and stepped out the shower.

By this time, it was after 1am and he tried to convince me to give it another whirl. He gave me an “Everybody poops” pep talk. Yes, he went there like I was 5 years old y’all. LOL! He said that I was too tense and needed to relax my muscles. He gave me one of his dildos to assist me in the unclenching of my muscles and asked me to try again. Yeah, that idea didn’t work either. I couldn’t even get an inch of the dildo inside of me. I was so fed up and made up my mind to leave after that botched attempt. I dried off yet again.

I laid in the bed and told him that the experience was too timely, it killed the mood, and that I should go home. What I really meant was that I wanted to run home and hide under my covers. LOL! He didn’t want me to leave. He started to kiss me all over to get me in the mood. His plan worked.

We then experimented with breast bondage. He looped a rope over each breast 4 times. It was tight at first but I got used to it after a couple of minutes. It made my breasts so hypersensitive. Every touch, lick, and suckle felt magnified. He pulled out a small paddle and began to spank my breasts and clitoris. It wasn’t too soft or too hard but it was just enough to get a reaction. It had an element of pleasure and pain. I never knew how much I loved bondage until I met him. Am I some sort of masochist?

All the embarrassment vanished from my body. We continued with the usual—oral, vaginal, and anal. Then he tried out his new toy on me. It was a saw with a special attachment that was reminiscent of a more portable and handheld Sybian. A dildo was attached to the saw and it had several mindblowing settings. It pounded the hell out my pussy and ass. It was a dream come true for me! It felt incredible. I’ve always wanted to be pounded like I stole something. I wish I could share the beauty of this contraption with every woman and certain type of man that I know. And the vibrating bullet that I used on my clitoris at the same time made it even more intense!

I think I’m going to be unavailable to him for a few days though. My friend and avid reader of my blog (thanks for your support Roni!) says that I shouldn’t be so easy. She does have a point; I have been overloading on the white chocolate lately. LOL!