Something happened Sunday morning that has thrown me in a tailspin. A week after Intrigue told me his plans of practicing polygamy, he had something new to tell me. We haven’t conversed much since he dropped the previous bombshell. I would be lying if I said that he hasn’t been on my mind though. I am very drawn to him and we have a lot in common. My plan was still to run as fast as I could though! I couldn’t see myself being a part of a polygamist lifestyle. I began to wonder if Lawyer and I was something I wanted to pursue too. I had doubts about both situations. They weren’t exactly picture perfect.
The only reason why I fled to Lawyer was because Intrigue was dating other people. Even though I should naturally explore my options anyway, I in essence started to see him because my ego felt bruised. I made Intrigue a priority when I was one of his options. I felt like a fool because I didn’t have a backup. Now I know that I should date other people as way to expand my horizons, not to use as a bandage or a coping mechanism.
Speaking of Lawyer, I failed to share that we were polar opposites. He is a Christian; I’m non-religious. He has a street mentality; I’m the hippie holding the peace sign. He’s a werewolf; I’m a vampire. He doesn’t even kiss me. When I do show affection, he seems a little put off by it. Although his stamina (and rod) is utterly amazing, we lack a level of intimacy during sex. After spending the past weekend with him, I’m feeling increasingly unfulfilled. I feel more like his sidekick instead of someone he passionately desires.
Before leaving Lawyer’s place, Intrigue contacted me. I called him after I arrived back home and he told me some news that floored me. He said that he has been doing some reflecting this past week and decided that polygamy is not an option that he wants to pursue anymore. Whaaaaaa??? Stop the presses!!! Where did this sudden change of heart dropped in and exploded from?
He said that he had a talk with a friend and it made him reconsider his viewpoint. He wouldn’t go into specifics about their conversation but said that she mirrored some of the things I expressed. He said that he feels that being in a monogamous relationship at this point of his life is what’s best. He did stress that he is still going to date other people in the meantime but will narrow it down to one in the end. This has went from an episode of Sister Wives to The Bachelor!
I wonder what else influenced his decision because he seemed so gung-ho about it just days earlier. He was so self-righteous and spoke so matter of factly about it. It was a complete 180°. Did he approach other women about his desires to practice polygamy? Did these other women b*tch slap him? Did he realize that a man of his means couldn’t afford this lifestyle? How could one conversation undo everything—especially after the type of upbringing he had?
He opened up to me about his feelings for me. He told me that I’m a great person and that us being just friends couldn’t be an alternative for us. (Sidenote: If that’s the case, why is dating other chicks? Hmm. I digress…) He also expressed that my lack of contact bothered him. It made him wonder if I truly had interest in him. I will admit that I am terrible at not calling. Nearly all the dating experts say that the man should initiate contact. It’s been something that I’ve adopted because calling men like a pesky telemarketer didn’t particularly work in my favor either. I thought I was doing him a favor. (shrugs shoulders)
My friends wonders if this sudden revelation is sincere. He’s always made the effort to be honest with me and I don’t doubt his sincerity. This new revelation doesn’t mean I will drop everything and run slow motion into his arms. I am walking cautiously and sightseeing along the way to exercise my options too. If we arrive at the final destination hand in hand, fine. If not, that’s cool too.