The past few weeks have been rough. The ups and downs were taking a toll on me. I was manic. I was hypersexual and had no one to have sex with!!! I considered seducing Soothed, Lied, Fire, or the Silver Fox but I didn’t y’all. I kept my legs closed this time. Hallelujah!!! I frivolously spent $2,000 which should have gone towards buying a new car. I really needed that car. Sigh. Other times I had crying spells and fantasized about not being among the living. The slightest things began to irritate me. And the feeling of being watched in public and through my air ducts at home became exhausting too.
I decided to get back on medication to manage my bipolar disorder. I was prescribed 50mgs of Zoloft and 40mgs of Latuda. I am noticing that I can go to sleep much easier at night. (It normally takes me 2-3 hours to fall asleep.) There is a slight zombie feeling but it’s not overwhelming so far. I am concerned about the weight gain though. I’m already a plus size gal. The last thing I need is to gain even more weight and look like a chocolate dipped Marshmallow Man with giant tits. Sigh.
Maybe medication is necessary right now. Maybe I can start enjoying life again, gain more focus, and minimize these manic and depressive episodes.
Other than that, I don’t have much of an update. Um…I turned 35 a few weeks ago. And speaking of chocolate, I did eat three boxes of Valentine’s Day candy. Don’t judge me. It was awesome!
I also think that my feelings are getting way too strong for my Silver Fox. It’s damn near obsessive. I haven’t seen him in over a week and damn near cried because of it. Perhaps the meds will calm that down a bit. We shall see.
As some of you may have read, I have a crush on my professor aka The One Who is a Silver Fox. He’s no longer my professor and I don’t have to take his courses anymore. I’m still enrolled at the university though. The fact that I don’t have to take his classes anymore has unbridled my passion despite this failed attempt. It felt like the levee finally broke!
When I took his classes, I knew not to cross the line. It helped to police my desire. Well, as of late, I have been breaking all the rules! I have been more than cordial. I have been flirting up a storm! It started when he greeted me in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. I replied, “Hi sexy,” and sashayed down the hallway like I was Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter hunty. He giggled nervously. The response was quite odd for an older gentleman but then again, he’s on odd person. I thought it was kinda cute.
Yeah. I’m sexy. Look back at it, bitch!
This alone was not enough to quench my thirst. Yes. I can admit I was acting thirsty y’all. I got away with even more subtle (and not so subtle) flirting and had to push the boundaries a little more. And how did I do that? Of course I did the most stalker-ish and creepiest thing possible—I Googled his ass! I found out his personal email and cell phone number. I contacted him via text and added him to yahoo messenger. I know it’s weird but please pick your jaw off the floor for a few moments. I’ve done weirder shit in my lifetime. The messages were playful and few and far between. I was not being a slut bucket about it which was difficult because slutbucketism is one of my specialties.
As you may have guessed, he did not respond to any of my messages. The intelligent part of my brain was not surprised. The bipolar-y/thoughts of grandeur side of my brain wanted a different outcome. A hot steamy kiss in the elevator like Anastasia and Christian a la “50 Shades”? A kiss in the pouring rain like “The Notebook”? A rendition of Fitz passionately overwhelming a lip quivering Olivia Pope?
Make both of my lips quiver Mr. President!
Thinking back, I feel quite silly for my behavior. He probably thinks I’m some kind of psycho if he’s aware that it is me. Technically, I never identified myself
but I my Yahoo id probably gave it away. Honestly, The Devil Google made me do it. Should I apologize though? What if his laugh was not meant to be cute? What if he was actually terrified?