169 Days

It’s been 169 days since I had sex y’all. 169 damn days! I’ve avoided sex for so long because I wanted more perhaps out of jealousy; I also felt like time was running out for me. I go back and forth between wanting something real and wanting to be a fucktoy. This internal struggle is real!

This lack of sex situation has gotten so bad that I’ve actually cried. I don’t know whether to attribute it to the hypersexuality of bipolar disorder, the neediness of the love addiction, or if a sista is just plain lonely. Perhaps it’s all of the above. The hell if I know!

I need to feel desired if only for that moment. I need to feel someone pressed against me. I want to lose myself inside of someone else. I just need a release that I simply cannot get from self-pleasure or directing this energy elsewhere. I miss the smell, sweat, dirty talk, moans, and the feeling of a stiff one inside of me filling all my voids. I need to feel someone’s mouth and hands all over me. I know I must sound deranged or like an addict right now.

I feel like if I don’t have sex I’m going to die from an unfulfilled vagina. I think about it constantly. I’m having sexy dreams about Silver Fox and others. I’m watching the filthiest of porn. I get sexually excited from reading dirty ads on Craigslist. I listen to ads posted by perverts on telephone personals. It’s gotten bad y’all. I’m surprised that I haven’t stripped butt naked and was like…

takethesecookies

I inboxed Fire on Facebook. I did not hint that I wanted sex but he probably knew I did anyway. I really don’t keep in contact with him. I sent the following thirsty ass messages to him:

CONVO

“Soon” wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Soon could be next week or next month. I haven’t responded yet. I want to have sex but I feel embarrassed about how thirsty I came across. Who sends a crying emoticon because they can’t have sex right then and there? What has become of me?

Don’t answer that question y’all.

Worst Plan Ever

It’s has been nearly 3 months since I had sex. A few nights ago, I nearly had a breakdown. I was crying, feeling lonely and extremely hypersexual. I craved to be kissed, touched and loved (or least lusted after). I needed to feel something. I thought I was going to go mad. So I devised a plan…a very stupid plan. I decided to seduce (or at least seductively flirt with) Silver Fox. Yes, the professor!

I had it all planned out in my head. I would make up a random excuse to go to his office. He would be sitting at his desk. I would come behind him, whisper something dirty in his ear and start kissing on his neck. He would initially object but cave in as his breathing got heavier and heavier. Or I would reach across the desk to touch his hand innocently. Somehow, my touch would send passion through his veins like a wildfire! Desire would overwhelm us and he would take me on his desk LIKE A BOSS!!! Maybe I should lay off the soap operas.

The next day, I wore a “nice but not too nice like I was trying to get attention” dress. It was  Marilyn Monroe meets Zoey Deschanel. Sexy and flirty but with a dash of adorkable. When the moment of seduction drew near, I freshened up and took off my granny panties. I slipped on my sexy red & black lace boy shorts from Frederick’s of Hollywood. I couldn’t seduce him in sweaty ass big ass panties!

“G. U. Y.” by Lady Gaga played in my head as I sashayed to his office.  “I wanna be the girl under you. I wanna be your G.U.Y. Oh yeah!”

No one was there. He was at a department meeting.

“I guess I’ll come back later,” I muttered to myself as I slowly lost all the lady balls I was grabbing just moments earlier.

About an hour later, we ran into each other. Damn it! He was supposed to be at his desk! This wasn’t part of the m-effing plan! Damn it!

“Hi. Dr. ********. I was stopping by to pick up my assignment. Did you make your copy?” I said quite confident of myself.

“Oh. Ok. I think I may have it here,” he awkwardly said. Gosh he is so awkward but it’s kinda cute. My heart started to pound. He opened the door for me and we went inside. I closed his door behind me LIKE A BOSS!!! That awkward dick was going to be mine!!!

“Um…I did not get a chance to make a copy…I’ll be back shortly.”

I started to panic. My lace undies were giving me a major wedgie! I gave myself an internal pep talk. “Wink at him! Touch his hand when he gives your paper back! Lick your lips! Do something!”

He came back and…LEFT THE DOOR WIDE OPEN!!! Damn it! I can’t seduce him with the door opened! Thanks a lot Dr. Oblivious!

He told me that I did very well and thanked me. I thought the thanking me part was weird but I let it slide. We briefly talked about the upcoming term paper. He wanted to know more about my topic.

“Um…I don’t know…I’m still confused about what to do,” I said as I avoided eye contact and shifted my attention to the other professors talking in the hallway.

“Do you have any questions?”

I choked. I couldn’t go through with my sexy yet stupid plan. Too many f*cking barriers.

“No,” I said in disappointment over the opened door, my nervousness and the wedgie that increasingly limited blood circulation to my butt crack!

“No???” he said surprisingly as if he anticipated a different response.

I thanked him for returning my paper and left. All I kept thinking was, “That was so awkward!” and “I need to take off these damn panties!”