These Damn Fibroids

If you recall about 3 years I went to the gynecologist and found out I had fibroids after a few years of irregular and heavy menstrual cycles.  For the past couple of years my cycle has gotten worse. Although it comes regularly now, it’s much heavier, 7-12 days long, and extremely painful. There are times that I cannot get out of bed. I have to wear two overnight pads and change them every 2-3 hours. I pass blood clots that are the size of plums. I have nagging pelvic pain every single day. My stomach feels full as hell even when I’m hungry as hell. I have back pain. I’m anemic and but still feel weak half the time even though my prescribed dose has been doubled. It’s excruciating y’all.


Up to 10 hours? Yeah for normal va jay jays!

So I tried to get another opinion. She prescribed me birth control. At our last appointment in March she basically fat shamed me and said that I if didn’t lose weight I would have to find another provider. So I decided to get a third opinion and leave her because, yeah, she’s a bitch.

Third doctor tried to discourage surgery this past summer. She said that they may come back and that they may need to take out my uterus. So she prescribed birth control for the pain and to lessen the flow. But here’s the thing…I would like to conceive someday. I can’t stay on birth control forever. I also tend to forget to take them sometimes. She also requested a trans-vaginal ultrasound but the hospital didn’t take my damn insurance. Sigh.

I started to feel hopeless but sought out a fourth opinion anyway. This past Monday I went to see someone new about my fibroids. I’ve had enough. I expressed my concerns to the gynecologist and for the first time I felt like someone was listening to me! We discussed options, invasive and non-invasive. He also did blood work to check my blood count. He also examined my uterus. I began to scream out in pain.

“Yeah, you’re going to need surgery. You have a 18 to 20 week uterus,”he said as he felt around.

“Are you serious?????!!!!!”

None of the previous doctors gave me such information. Here’s an illustration I snagged from in case you need a visual. I know I did!


The normal size of a non-pregnant uterus is the size of upside pear or about 7cm. So an 18-20 week pregnancy is close to the belly button and it’s about 18-20 centimeters. So I’m basically about 5 months pregnant with fibroids instead of a baby. After he examined me, I can still feel where he’s been a few days later. I have pain from my belly button down to my pelvis. My shortness of breath has worsen.

I’m having a trans-vaginal ultrasound this Friday. Once he gets back the results, we are going to have a more in-depth discussion about options next week.

Although surgery scares me, I’m just glad that someone finally took my concerns seriously. Took 3 damn years though! I hope I don’t need a hysterectomy.

Just Another Folder (Part II of II)

I could not stomach being in his presence any longer and left a few moments later. He texted me several minutes later and asked if I was upset and apologized. His apology didn’t matter to me at this point. He even had the audacity to hint around that he wanted to fool around. I was offended and I told him that it was best that we never saw each other again. I cried. I cried for being so stupid. I cried for letting him disrespect all this time. I cried because I diminished my self-worth every time I was involved with him.

All these thoughts ran through my mind. What if he actually slept with that crossdresser? Did they had unprotected sex?  Were there more? Also, how many women did he have unprotected with? What if he infected me with HIV? My last HIV test was January 2012. Why did I wait so long to get retested? He wasn’t the only person I was sexually involved with either. What was I thinking? I needed to get tested ASAP!

I’m not saying that he’s prone to HIV because of the crossdresser. Seeing all these pics made me realize that he was most likely engaging in reckless behavior.

The next morning, I purchased OraQuick In-Home HIV Test at the pharmacy for about $40. My heart raced on the walk home. I could barely breathe. I read the instructions over and over again. After several minutes of calming myself down, I finally took the test. I swabbed my lower and upper gums and placed the test stick inside the test tube.

After 20 excruciating minutes, I pulled off the cover to reveal the results. There was one line by “C” and there wasn’t a line next to “T”. It meant that I tested negative for HIV. Even though I was relieved, it still did not give me peace of mind. I had to retest in a clinical setting. I had to be sure.

A couple of weeks later, I went to the clinic and took a STD and HIV screening. The HIV results came in 45 minutes and were negative. I felt so at ease and it taught me a good lesson. It taught me that I cannot trust anyone with my body. It is my responsibility. I also need to get tested regularly especially if I’m sexually active. I also should have protected sex 100% of the time. It also taught me that you never know what someone is hiding from you. I would have never dreamt that he had an affinity for crossdressers.

We have not communicated since that night.  We cross paths on occasions and pretend that we don’t see each other.

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