Sh*t I Learned (or Relearned) in 2014

  1. I’m not ready to date. I’ve activated and reactivated my OK Cupid and POF accounts more than I can count. The thought of dating terrifies me. I’m still searching for myself and I’m not together financially, spiritually, and emotionally. It could also could be attributed to not being used to dating; I’m used to situationships aka booty calls. I sometimes feel if someone got to know the real me—behind my witty and fun loving nature—they would undoubtedly run for the damn hills. I’m also afraid of getting hurt again. It’s easier getting your feelings hurt by a booty call than an actual boyfriend. I naturally expect rejection from romantically or emotionally unavailable men no matter how much it may suck.
  2. I’m tired of being an occasional snack. I’ve been bumping uglies with The One Who Sets Me on Fire off and on. I’ve gone months without seeing or hearing from him. He sent me a Facebook message wishing me Happy New Year and that he was “itching for [my] juiciness”. Instead of being my usual needy self, I simply wished him a Happy New Year and ignored the innuendo. He was the last man to touch my body but I’m just sick and tired of being his occasional snack. I don’t want a relationship but at least don’t make me feel like you’re using me. (in my Chandler Bing voice) “Could you be any more obvious?”
  3. I went to grad school for the wrong reason. I went to grad school to get quick money to purchase another car. (The previous one was stolen.) A year later, the car needed an engine. Where can I quickly pull $1500+ out my ass? School of course. I’ve looked for employment off and on and the loan money has given me extra income in the meantime. The money ran out last semester and I haven’t paid my credit cards in 3 months. Bummer. In 2015, I have to find gainful employment! These bills are no joke! It would be nice to get money that I don’t have to pay back!
  4. I’m really into healing crystals! When I was a little girl, I was fascinated with these small pebbles my mama used to get in the mail. I would dig in the yard looking for more but I always found marbles. I thought they had magical powers too. Upon learning more, I now know that my mother probably received clear quartz thumb stones. I’ve collected several tumble stones and a jade yoni egg. I want to significantly increase my collection in 2015. I also want to balance my overactive and underactive chakras. Smokey quartz and carnelian are my favorite gemstones!
  5. I’m an empath. I honestly thought that there was something wrong with me. When others tell me their problems, I find myself absorbing their pain instead of offering viable solutions. When I see complete strangers happy, upset, or sad, I soak up their feelings like a sponge. I overindulge in food to combat emotional stress. I could go on and on but I didn’t realize this until I start learning more about healing crystals. Go figure.
  6. It’s ok to say no. I have a hard time saying no but I have seen some minor improvements in 2014. I don’t feel as obligated to answer calls or texts, to be someone’s lackey, or to have sex. I’ve turned down a few romps in the hay with men from my past in 2014. The 2013 me probably would have taken them on the offer. I haven’t shaved my legs, underarms, and yoni in months and it is f*cking liberating!
  7. I need a spiritual outlet. I’m not the biggest fan of religion. Since denouncing religion, I really haven’t taken the time to become spirituality attuned with the universe or even myself. In order to become more spiritually aware, I also need align the mental and physical. That’s gonna take a lotta work. Wish me luck y’all!

What did you learned (or relearned) in 2014?

P.S. January 6th is my birthday. I’ll be 35. Gosh, I’m damn near 40.

I Have a Crush On…

I have a crush on my professor.

I know. I know. What am I thinking, right? At least read before you shake your finger at me in defiance. I’m a little maniac and hypersexual right now so please excuse the bipolar. Just don’t make direct eye contact with it.

I developed a harmless mini crush on The One Who is a Silver Fox when I took his class last semester. He is nerdy, awkward, has a dry sense of humor and easygoing. That sexy old geezer turns me on like a key in the ignition y’all! He’s divorced, has a preteen year old daughter and is 23 years my senior. He is definitely the oldest man I’ve ever been attracted to. I undressed him with my eyes occasionally and inspected his dick print during lecture. Yeah…dick print. It’s not monstrous but it seems suffice. 

My feelings went through a complete transformation this semester. I have a burning desire for him! I registered specifically for his class. I sit close to him. I watch his mouth as he speaks. I have intense sexual dreams about him. When he accidentally said “sex” instead of “text” during a lecture, I nearly lost it. Perhaps it was a Freudian slip. Ha!

We tend to hold our gazes too long but I chalked it up to familiarity—until last week.  I was sitting in a secluded study area as he was walking to his office. Our eyes met and we greeted each other as usual. Here is where it deviated from the normal—he smiled like a Cheshire cat and stared until he passed the corner! This lasted about 6-7 seconds. I was initially shocked but I proceeded to do the following dance in my head.

Perhaps this milkshake does brings all the boys to the yard.

I could be overreacting. Maybe he didn’t stare as long as I thought. Maybe time only stood still for me. Maybe he was being really friendly that day. Perhaps he was waiting for me to break the glance first. Who knows? But then again…when I’m in another class, he usually stares right at me when he passes by.

Where do we go from here? No damn where! Duh! Typical me would flirt heavily until I secured the penis if couldn’t get anything tangible. I won’t do that this time. I’m tired of rejection, heartache and booty calls. Can a sista get wooed and pursued before she gets nude? The fantasies just seem safer. I can control them. He does what I like. He gives me long stemmed roses, kisses me like I’m the only woman alive and takes me to fancy restaurants in my head. He’s such a gentleman and kinky! Don’t hate.

Speaking of booty calls…a few days ago, The One Who Sets Me On Fire contacted me after vanishing for 2 months and 7 days. The nerve of him! Yes I counted! I told him I was no longer interested. Truth is, I am horny as hell but I didn’t appreciate him tossing me aside until he was ready to play with me again. And the bromance seems to still be going strong so I’ll pass. No thanks.