Pretty Good-ish Year

I can’t believe 2016 is coming to an end and 2017 is right around the corner. My plans for tonight? I don’t have any as usual. I’m spending another New Year’s Eve all alone and it’s ok. I’ve given up the dream of being kissed at midnight by a tall, dark, and handsome man a long time ago. Ok. Maybe a few moments ago!

This year has been a good-ish year for me. After years of self-doubt, I finally self-published my poetry collection The Chaos of Longing. Several months later it is among the top selling books in the African-American and Love and Erotica Poetry on Amazon. What amazes me the most is how many people reach out to me to tell me how the book has affected them. It makes me feel less alone knowing that there are people who can relate to my experiences. The extra income received through royalties has also given me more financial independence. I ain’t rich though. It’s just easier to pay some bills.

This year I also got a steady job after several years of unemployment and/or working seasonal gigs. It was quite scary but it opened me up more. I also got injured onsite in late August and they were assholes about it. I went to an ortho doctor recently because the pain hasn’t gone away. I was diagnosed with Morton neuroma, a nerve condition affecting the third and fourth toes. I received a steroid shot but I’m still having some issues so I don’t know how much longer I can work such a physically demanding job. On the bright side, I did lose 20+ pounds!

I also delved into online dating again at the urge of my best friend. It was quite overwhelming but I did meet someone on Ok Cupid. We went on a date and it felt nice to be wined and dined. (I’ll save those deets for the next post.)

This year didn’t come without heartache. Soothed left the complex and moved in with his girlfriend. I was depressed for a couple of weeks. I felt so final and so many feelings came rushing in. People leave and I must accept that fact. I must stop trying to hold our nothingness. Him leaving was a healing balm. I needed the wound of us to heal.

What will 2017 bring? I’m very excited to find out! So far I haven’t made any New Year’s resolutions because I tend to break them. I’m going to take more risks and live in the moment. I’m also going to stop recycling dick!

Self-Love: The Struggle is Real

Writing my book has been a cathartic experience for me. Some of it was very hard to write but it was also liberating. The one thing that I struggle with is self-love. One may think that it is easy but there are times that I stumble. I wrote the following poems to challenge myself to look inward and learn how to love myself. 

self-love

if you eat men
and still feel
like you’re starving,
you’re craving something
that they cannot give.

don’t expect men
to fill vessels
that were gifted
to you to overflow.

darling,
find passion
and self-worth within
instead of
locking them
inside of men
who like swallowing keys
so they can keep you
all to themselves.


self-love ii

self-love is a journey.
sometimes you have to take it
in the heat of the day.
you will find yourself
on the side of the road
thirsty, sweaty
and out of breath.

you will crave
instant gratification.
you will want to slither
your way back to your
choice of poison,
throw your head back
and take a desperate gulp
because their skin
is all you know.

please don’t.
it’s time to learn
new things.

it’s time to give the love
you denied yourself
but frantically searched
for in others.
it’s time to realize that
love was never trapped
underneath their
lips and fingertips.
you held it hostage
the entire time.

If you can relate to the following and/or would like to show your support, please consider buying my book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Createspace