Mediocre Updates & One Big Ass Announcement

I’ve been abandoning this blog lately. I didn’t realize it’s been 4 months!

I have a couple of mediocre updates. I got fired from my job due to missing too many days. Sometimes I get so mentally exhausted that I cannot get out of bed and take my ass to work.

At the urging of my best friend, I’m going to give online dating another chance, again. The other night I saw my vibrator on my nightstand and had an actual conversation with it. I said, “Heyyyyyy boo”. No lie. I actually said that. By the way, the Satisyher Pro 2 is amazing! Nope. No one’s paying me to say that. I got it with my own coins. I even named it.

Anywho!!! Time for the big ass announcement!!!

My self-published poetry collection The Chaos of Longing got picked up by Andrews McMeel Publishing and is being re-released September 26th. They have published books like Rupi Kaur’s New York Times Bestseller Milk and Honey and The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace. I mailed them my book proposal in March and was contacted several weeks later. Never in my wildest dreams I thought this little book would take me this far. I never thought I would sell 4 copies let alone over 14,000! Sometimes I wonder if this is really my life. That I somehow found my way. That I turned all of my hurt into art. I’m constantly pinching myself.

 

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photo credit: milqyuartz on tmblr

I cannot say that the journey has been perfect. Being so vulnerable caused a great deal of anxiety for me. I wondered how others would perceive me after reading this book. Was I too open? Too graphic? Too broken?

Reading book reviews also made me anxious. My heart felt like it was beating out my chest whenever I checked reviews online. Whenever I read negative reviews, I took them too personally.  I felt like I wasn’t being what people needed me to be. I’m slowly realizing that I cannot please everyone and that’s ok. My book ain’t for everybody!

This journey has also been amazing. So many women have reached out to me telling me what the book has meant to them. It’s helped them through breakups and divorces. It made them realized they deserve more. That my book encapsulated everything they felt but couldn’t express. Them reaching out to me helped me too. It made me realize that I wasn’t alone.

So go out there and support a sista this coming September 26th. I cannot afford to flop. This revised and expanded edition includes over 50 new pages.  If you would like to grab the self-published edition, you can get it here. But hurry. It’s going out of print soon! Thank you for all of your support!

Pretty Good-ish Year

I can’t believe 2016 is coming to an end and 2017 is right around the corner. My plans for tonight? I don’t have any as usual. I’m spending another New Year’s Eve all alone and it’s ok. I’ve given up the dream of being kissed at midnight by a tall, dark, and handsome man a long time ago. Ok. Maybe a few moments ago!

This year has been a good-ish year for me. After years of self-doubt, I finally self-published my poetry collection The Chaos of Longing. Several months later it is among the top selling books in the African-American and Love and Erotica Poetry on Amazon. What amazes me the most is how many people reach out to me to tell me how the book has affected them. It makes me feel less alone knowing that there are people who can relate to my experiences. The extra income received through royalties has also given me more financial independence. I ain’t rich though. It’s just easier to pay some bills.

This year I also got a steady job after several years of unemployment and/or working seasonal gigs. It was quite scary but it opened me up more. I also got injured onsite in late August and they were assholes about it. I went to an ortho doctor recently because the pain hasn’t gone away. I was diagnosed with Morton neuroma, a nerve condition affecting the third and fourth toes. I received a steroid shot but I’m still having some issues so I don’t know how much longer I can work such a physically demanding job. On the bright side, I did lose 20+ pounds!

I also delved into online dating again at the urge of my best friend. It was quite overwhelming but I did meet someone on Ok Cupid. We went on a date and it felt nice to be wined and dined. (I’ll save those deets for the next post.)

This year didn’t come without heartache. Soothed left the complex and moved in with his girlfriend. I was depressed for a couple of weeks. I felt so final and so many feelings came rushing in. People leave and I must accept that fact. I must stop trying to hold our nothingness. Him leaving was a healing balm. I needed the wound of us to heal.

What will 2017 bring? I’m very excited to find out! So far I haven’t made any New Year’s resolutions because I tend to break them. I’m going to take more risks and live in the moment. I’m also going to stop recycling dick!