Mediocre Updates & One Big Ass Announcement

I’ve been abandoning this blog lately. I didn’t realize it’s been 4 months!

I have a couple of mediocre updates. I got fired from my job due to missing too many days. Sometimes I get so mentally exhausted that I cannot get out of bed and take my ass to work.

At the urging of my best friend, I’m going to give online dating another chance, again. The other night I saw my vibrator on my nightstand and had an actual conversation with it. I said, “Heyyyyyy boo”. No lie. I actually said that. By the way, the Satisyher Pro 2 is amazing! Nope. No one’s paying me to say that. I got it with my own coins. I even named it.

Anywho!!! Time for the big ass announcement!!!

My self-published poetry collection The Chaos of Longing got picked up by Andrews McMeel Publishing and is being re-released September 26th. They have published books like Rupi Kaur’s New York Times Bestseller Milk and Honey and The Princess Saves Herself in This One by Amanda Lovelace. I mailed them my book proposal in March and was contacted several weeks later. Never in my wildest dreams I thought this little book would take me this far. I never thought I would sell 4 copies let alone over 14,000! Sometimes I wonder if this is really my life. That I somehow found my way. That I turned all of my hurt into art. I’m constantly pinching myself.

 

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photo credit: milqyuartz on tmblr

I cannot say that the journey has been perfect. Being so vulnerable caused a great deal of anxiety for me. I wondered how others would perceive me after reading this book. Was I too open? Too graphic? Too broken?

Reading book reviews also made me anxious. My heart felt like it was beating out my chest whenever I checked reviews online. Whenever I read negative reviews, I took them too personally.  I felt like I wasn’t being what people needed me to be. I’m slowly realizing that I cannot please everyone and that’s ok. My book ain’t for everybody!

This journey has also been amazing. So many women have reached out to me telling me what the book has meant to them. It’s helped them through breakups and divorces. It made them realized they deserve more. That my book encapsulated everything they felt but couldn’t express. Them reaching out to me helped me too. It made me realize that I wasn’t alone.

So go out there and support a sista this coming September 26th. I cannot afford to flop. This revised and expanded edition includes over 50 new pages.  If you would like to grab the self-published edition, you can get it here. But hurry. It’s going out of print soon! Thank you for all of your support!

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Self-Love: The Struggle is Real

Writing my book has been a cathartic experience for me. Some of it was very hard to write but it was also liberating. The one thing that I struggle with is self-love. One may think that it is easy but there are times that I stumble. I wrote the following poems to challenge myself to look inward and learn how to love myself. 

self-love

if you eat men
and still feel
like you’re starving,
you’re craving something
that they cannot give.

don’t expect men
to fill vessels
that were gifted
to you to overflow.

darling,
find passion
and self-worth within
instead of
locking them
inside of men
who like swallowing keys
so they can keep you
all to themselves.


self-love ii

self-love is a journey.
sometimes you have to take it
in the heat of the day.
you will find yourself
on the side of the road
thirsty, sweaty
and out of breath.

you will crave
instant gratification.
you will want to slither
your way back to your
choice of poison,
throw your head back
and take a desperate gulp
because their skin
is all you know.

please don’t.
it’s time to learn
new things.

it’s time to give the love
you denied yourself
but frantically searched
for in others.
it’s time to realize that
love was never trapped
underneath their
lips and fingertips.
you held it hostage
the entire time.

If you can relate to the following and/or would like to show your support, please consider buying my book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Createspace