Side Chick Approved?

Disclaimer: I may sound petty and whiny but it’ my blog. I can be petty and whiny if I want to.

For the past couple of years I have noticed that the men I was involved with sexually or otherwise are now in stable relationships with other women. At first I did not give a damn but lately, it has been doing something to my spirit y’all. The One Who Loves To Text, The One Who Was My Lawyer, The One Who Is Special, and The One Who Was Too Young are now parading their relationships for all of Facebook to see.  I find this peculiar because half of these guys claimed that they didn’t want Facebook in their business when we were involved. Things that make you go hmm.

Anywho…a particular incident had an effect on me and it came from somewhere I least expected. For the past year or so, Young and I have been constant contact. He claimed that he was single and that he wanted me to be his boo. Of course I did not take him too seriously. I won’t fake the funk; a part of me liked the attention. After our horrible sexual encounter, I did not feel the need the have sex with him again. That sure didn’t stop him from trying though! A part of me found his persistence somewhat endearing. It made me feel desired.

To make a long story short, I saw that he recently got engaged to his girlfriend on Facebook. Yep. Girlfriend. It turned out he had one the entire time.  There he was on bended knee proposing to a dainty petite woman as their closest friends look on.  Soon to follow were pics of her showing off her ring which was pretty damn gorgeous by the way.

Jealousy started to set in. Why was she the type of chick that a man wanted to marry? Furthermore, why was I the type of chick that guys wanted to fool around with secretly?  Was I not pretty enough? Was I too fat? Too mousy? Just a wet hole and nothing more? All of these self-defeating thoughts and more swam in my head. Why was this affecting me so much?! I don’t even like this dude romantically. I’m still gaga over The One Who Is a Silver Fox!

A few days later, Young had the nerve to contact me via text message.

 

Young: I want to take you out to breakfast.

Me: I’m pretty sure your fiancée wouldn’t like that. You’ve been acting like you didn’t have someone the whole time.

Young:
sideeye

 

Young: Lol you can be my side boo if you like. I’ll pay you.

Me: I’ll pass. I don’t want to be someone’s dirty little secret. I don’t want to be a side boo, chick, bitch, pussy, etc. Call me silly but I’d like to think that I deserve more than that.

Young: You do tho.

Young: I’ll still buy you breakfast lol.

Me: Thanks but no thanks.

I don’t know why I even replied to his text anyway. Perhaps I was looking for a “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about my fiancee” apology.  I definitely wasn’t looking for a “You can be my side chick and I’ll pay you like a hooker” type of ish.

It is not the fact that he got engaged per se. It’s a combination of things. It seems like dudes are by passing me like I have Ebola when it comes to relationships. I’m 35, childless, and sleep alone every damn night. Am I not a fucking catch? A sista can not live on dick alone.

I’m either faced with unrequited love or attract dudes who want a side chick. Do I have “Side Chick Approved” stamped on my forehead? I can not say that I’m completely faultless though; I let men treat me this way for far too long. Perhaps I didn’t think I was worthy to receive more. Sigh. At this point, I’m just done. So done.

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Online Dating Truly Annoys Me

A few weeks ago, I decided to dive back into online dating at my best friend’s urging. She was on Plenty of Fish and received many responses. I’ve never been on POF so I decided to reactivate my OkCupid account instead. Last year on OkCupid, I met The One Who Intrigues Me (the guy who wanted to become a polygamist). (Side note: He recently apologized and we went on another date. There were no sparks. I let him down gently and haven’t heard from him since.) Anyhoo, going back to OkCupid was pretty much a bust. There were tumbleweeds in my inbox. Also, I came across The One Who Soothed Me profile during a search. Yeah, that was awkward.

After leaving that ghost town, I decided to give POF a try. Boy was she right! I received messages left and right. It was unbelievable. And most of the guys were easy on the eyes! Where have these sexy specimens been all my life? I felt like a Beyoncé in the midst of admirers. I wasn’t accustomed to this type of attention that seemed to gush out like a glorious fountain. My ego was eating this up! I figured if I were to find someone new, I would move on from these jerks I attract. Maybe I would find The One.

Initially, POF was fun but it became overwhelming and irritating. The One Who Never Let Up found me and flooded my inbox daily. It became so severe that I blocked him. Also, Soothed had a profile on POF too! Was he going for some damn dating profile record? In addition, the messages that flooded in were the same ole same ole. No one really stood out. It was the same compliments, small talk and number exchange requests. It was like they were reading from the same script. Besides, I couldn’t possibly give my phone number to nearly 20 guys. What was a girl to do?

I exchanged numbers with 3 prospects simply because they were chattier than others. It turned out they weren’t so chatty. They solely communicated with me via text. Does anyone pick up the damn phone anymore? This seemed all too familiar. It reminded me of The One Who Loves to Text. These were 3 smelly big red flags. They vanished after I stopped responding. I didn’t see the point. They were probably married or had a girlfriend.

I grew even more irritated. I deleted my profile. This was the most annoying 3 weeks of my life.

Honestly, I don’t think that I am ready to date. I’m still on this journey of self-love and discovery. A sista gets lonely though. I lie awake at night wanting someone to find me in the dark. I want to get lost in someone’s eyes. I can’t remember the last time I was kissed and lost my breath. I want to fight and make up. I want to walk hand in hand. I want people to tell my boo and I that we’re such a cute couple.

Although I want those things, I don’t want to get to the point where a man is my only source of happiness. I want to complement him, not consume him. Been there, done that and have a t-shirt two sizes too small. Masturbation gets redundant but another casual relationship will only add more fuel to my love addiction’s fire. Maybe I’m just better off alone for now. Maybe I should get a cat or update my toy collection. Hubba. Hubba.

(Another side note: A few days after I deleted my profile, Soothed asked me if I was still on POF because he didn’t see me anymore. Why was he even looking for me? I told him that POF wasn’t my cup of tea.)