Well…That Was Awkward!

It has been nearly 2 months since The One Who Soothed Me and I have been sexually intimate. We barely see each other but are cordial when we do. As you know, I am going back to college to pursue my master’s degree. Before I can enter the program, I need to take the Graduate Record Exam (GRE). Did I mention that this exam costs $186? Hopefully I can get a fee reduction, put it on lay-a-way or have the money fall from the sky somehow.


A good friend (and loyal reader I may also add) emailed me some GRE study guide e-books from  and I wanted to print out a few pages. I asked Soothed if I could print them from his computer and he obliged. I wanted to know when it would be an appropriate time to come over. He said that I could come at that precise moment.

I knocked on the door and he informed me that it was open. As I entered, our eyes met. Before I could approach his computer and utter a word, he looked directly across the room and said, “Nisha this is Courtney. Courtney this is Nisha.” There she was—a woman that I did not notice was standing off to the side when I entered his apartment. It wasn’t something that I was expecting and it completely took me by surprise.

The situation was so awkward. Why didn’t he tell me that he had company? I asked him if he was busy. And why did she have to be so pretty, so friendly…and so White? (If this is you’re unfamiliar with this blog and you’ve jumped to the ridiculous conclusion that I’m a racist, please read this post first.) The only thing that we had in common was that we were both full-figured women.

We shook hands and greeted one another. I apologized to them for showing up and interrupting but she insisted that it was okay. She also asked about the program that I was entering and gave kudos. Why did she have to be so nice? Why couldn’t she be one of those mean White women who clutched or quickly dashed to their purses whenever I passed them by at the store? (Unfortunately this has happened. Maybe it’s my afro or good ole down South racism. Welp.)

I wanted to hate her as much as I hated this situation! I wanted to cut off that long wavy blonde hair of hers and give it to some ratchet chick named Boom-de-la-she-qua in the hood. Gosh, I found it so hard to dislike her. Damn it!

Another part of me wanted to cry like a little b*tch and flee the premises. I cracked jokes to mask the awkwardness, shock and jealousy. It turned out that I didn’t have the freaking document saved to my jump drive (even more awkward) and he told me to email it to him instead. After an hour or so, he gave me the copies and told me that I was welcomed to print out more if necessary. We hugged and he was on his way back downstairs.

Why was I jealous? I know that I am not his type. I shouldn’t have been jealous. What is wrong with me? Do I have unresolved feelings? This absolutely makes no sense! I am shifting my focus from him and prepping for the GRE. F*ck him! F*ck men in general! I need to focus on me!


4 thoughts on “Well…That Was Awkward!

  1. I don’t think you have unresolved feelings for this guy. You’re just human, and even though he’s a dick, and you know that, he rejected you, and, well, nobody wants to be rejected. I felt the same way when I bumped into this icky guy I was obsessed with for months when my marriage fell apart. He told me he had a girlfriend, and I felt so sad and lonely. But, yuck, I don’t want him. I just wanted to be “chosen”.

    But why continue to see this dude, even if just for a print-out? He doesn’t sound like he adds anything to your life. First of all, he disrespected you as a woman when he was happy to continue sleeping with you without being willing to commit. Then, he disrespected you as a *black* woman when it was clear he didn’t see himself being with a black woman long-term. He’s sexist, racist and you deserve so, so much better.

    Finally, I’m suspicious that he invited you to get the print-out when his new woman was there? I could be wrong, but it sounds to md like he’s actually fucking with your head. He had to know you’d find that upsetting.

    I also find that disrespectful to the other chick. I bet she didn’t know that there was something between the two of you ever. There was no need for him to introduce you to her. He was on a ego trip.

    Don’t be jealous of this woman. Feel sorry for her. You escaped this guy before he did too much damage. She might not be so lucky.

  2. I think that’s all apart of being human. That doesn’t make it suck any less though. I think most of us have been where you are now so know you are not alone. Whose idea was it to make the human psyche so freaking fragile??

  3. Wow! This comment was right on time and what I needed to see. You are so right. He was probably on an ego trip and he’s a disrespectful pig! Yeah, I think it’s more of an obsession that unresolved feelings. I don’t get why I act this way. I gotta re-evaluate some things & stop going to him for any type of favors. It pointless.

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