Things with the new guy, The One Who Was My Lawyer has been an interesting experience. And by interesting, I don’t mean butterflies and unicorns. Sigh. I think I was so wrapped up in the newness of this that I failed to realize that perhaps he just wasn’t that into me as I so foolishly assumed. You think I would know since I’m so fond of my “Been There, Done That” t-shirt with the side of egg dripping down my face. I must have the worst dating luck ever! Maybe I should live the duration of my life in utter loneliness in the company of feline friends.
The Lawyer used to call me daily and text throughout the day whenever possible. Most of the conversations revolved around me being his sounding board. He gets worked up pretty easy and tends to over analyze things. I usually coax him through it. I figured that he felt so comfortable that he could talk to me about anything. It made me feel closer to him because he wanted my input and he liked the fact that I didn’t judge him. But the situation became oddly reminiscent of someone…The One Who Soothed Me.
Soothed lost his job and felt broken in other ways. I lend him my ears and my time. I was there for him. I listen. We hung out a lot. I soothed his ego. I gave my body to him. In ways, he soothed me too. I was lonely and needed to feel desired by someone. When the pieces fell back into place, he basically kicked my Black ass to the curb. He found a good paying job and someone (of his racial background) who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It made me feel dispensable and it broke my heart. I digress…
My last major discussion with the Lawyer made me finally realize that he wasn’t into me and that this wasn’t really going anywhere. He recites poetry at a spot he frequents weekly. The host was talking him up and his recent achievement (graduating law school) to all the single ladies in the crowd. None of the women approached him afterwards and it made him feel unattractive. He was rather emotional about it. I guess he assumed once he graduated law school, all the women would throw their panties at him. Who did he think he was? Teddy Pendergrass?
Could you imagine the look on my face as he told me these things? Hello!!! There’s a woman on the other end of the phone that is insanely attracted to you, listens to you vent and complain all the time and all you’re worried about is how other women aren’t attracted to you?
Although I tried to reassure him that he was indeed attractive, I wanted to crawl into a hole. Was this going to be another episode of deja vu? When would I be kicked to the curb? When the stress of the bar exam was behind him? When he got a higher paying job? When he found the arm candy that he’s looking for? I started to feel like I was there to fill the space, just like with Soothed. Is this is who I’ve become—a space filler? Keeping the seat warm for the next chick?
And that wasn’t the end of it ladies and gentlemen. He went on to express that he was ready to settle down. And to top it all off, he said that he felt like he just arrived at a car lot and all the luxury cars were taken…gasp! What am I? Some jalopy that happened to putt-putt by in a trail of smoke? Was he’s just test-driving me until the top-notch inventory arrived in the lot?
When he told me that he gave up on women until I reached out to him, it gave me some glimmer of hope. When he said that when he first met me, he knew that I had his best interest at heart, it made me feel special. When he told me that I was the only woman in his life, it was amaze balls. He is great in bed, has a huge package, and full of ambition and drive—I honestly thought that I was about to hit the jackpot! All I needed was one more number. One more number!
We saw each other once since that conversation. Things didn’t seem the same. He hasn’t called me since he dropped me off in the wee hours of the morning last Thursday. He has even started to send me generic text messages (i.e. “Hey”, “Good morning”, “What’s up”). His demeanor has changed. And just like cosmic clockwork, The One Who Intrigues Me contacted me.
(To be continued…)