Fresh from the feelings of my last blog post, The One Who Intrigues Me cancelled on me for a second time. He told me that he just didn’t have the time. He had to run an important errand that took longer than he expected. He also had a test to study for and was frustrated about his score on the previous one. He was having a bad day and I could hear the frustration in his voice. I didn’t display any disappointment (because I’m passive aggressive duh!) but I did express to him that perhaps this was a sign that we shouldn’t see each other. It seemed like there’s always some series of events occuring to prevent us from meeting up again. He reassured me that it wasn’t an omen—just a scheduling conflict.
I still felt like it was a bad omen though. I haven’t seen him since our first date. It will be a month in 2 days! 2 damn days!!! Sure, we have been in contact but these cancellations further twist the knife into the bottomless pit of my insecurity. I began to wonder if he really liked me. I began to wonder that maybe our first date wasn’t as kick ass as I thought. Maybe there wasn’t any attraction on his part and he just wanted to be friends. All of these assumptions and more flooded my entire being. I thought of the one thing that I could do to save myself from further humiliation and disappointment—run.
I already had an excuse locked into place. I was going to inform him that I couldn’t date anymore because I needed to get my life together. Sounded like a good excuse, right? This farewell would be easy and breezy. Gosh I’m such an f*cking genius! He called me a day or so after the cancellation. I was working off of 3 hours of sleep and quickly dived into my “excuse”. He didn’t seem to get it but who could blame him? I talked in circles and I wasn’t even making sense to my damn self. (This is why I rather write. I make way more sense when I write.) I think he could see that it was some bogus excuse from a mile away.
I told him that these cancellations felt like an omen and that I was tired of always getting my heart broken. The waterworks came out. Yeah, I f*cking cried! He probably thought I was psycho at this point. He asked if was interested in another guy. We all know that is a huge and resounding no. He also asked me if I wanted him to back off. I hesitated. The thought of him actually leaving my life made me feel uneasy. It sounded so gangsta and cool in my head but sh*t just got real! He told me (in an oh so manly way) that if I was confused, he would make the decision for me. That scared me even more. I didn’t want him to leave. What was I thinking? Why did I even open up my big ass insecure mouth?
I told him that I didn’t want him to leave but I needed to know what did he wanted from me. He told me that his position has always been clear—he wanted to date, get to know me better and take it from there. He also said that he liked my energy (but not this new-found emotional side of mine), that dating isn’t perfect and perhaps these incidents were a test on my patience. He then asked me a question that put a halt to my incessant over thinking.
“Can I ask you an elementary question?”
“On a scale of 1-10, how much do you like me?”
“Shouldn’t that be enough?”