I got an interesting gift just before Valentine’s Day. Want to guess what it was? It was a gift that I needed desperately—the single life! Yes, I am single again. The One Who Loves to Text had to go! Yes, I was in a relationship with Text. I know what some of y’all are thinking. WTF? Did I fall and bump my damn head? Why would I ever think in a kabillion light years that this would work?
Why are we no longer together? Well…the dynamic of our relationship didn’t progress. I thought it would since we decided to take things to a different level. It felt like we were still in a casual relationship. Although I haven’t been in a relationship for 7 years, I knew that this wasn’t how a relationship was supposed to feel. I knew better than that. Also the fact that he turned to Facebook to disrespect me instead of facing me like a man (when I confronted him with my feelings) was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back. That was so immature of him. I had to unfriend him.
He wasn’t giving me the time and attention that I craved and deserved. On top of that, he didn’t bother to call—hence the name I suppose. Hell, The One Who Lied called more than he did. My calls to Text went unsanswered. And some of my texts also went unanswered until hours later or the very next morning. We didn’t go out or spend quality time together unless you count bumping uglies. By the way,
bumping uglies ≠ quality time
seeing someone on their lunch break≠ quality time
constant text messages≠quality time≠effective communication≠a relationship
Nothing from nothing leaves…NOTHING!
I would offer suggestions on how we could spend more time together but there was always some excuse to why he couldn’t. He blatantly flirted on social networking sites as if he didn’t have a girlfriend. And the way he flirted wasn’t so innocent either. His flirting was a constant thorn to my side. I can’t even repeat some of the things he would say to various chicks. Did I mention that he never wanted to ever go public? Why was he so secretive? There were red flags all over the place and I chose to paint rainbows and unicorns on them. I broke up with him previously but I felt like I was giving up too soon and decided to give it another try. Whoa, big mistake. What was I thinking? The writing on the wall was there the entire time. Why did I chose to smear it?
I tried to be patient and understanding but things weren’t adding up. It all became so exhausting. My spirit felt it with each growing day. I couldn’t sleep. I had more tears of sadness than of joy. After all, he was my first boyfriend in years. I should have been over the moon! He should have been over the moon that I chose to be with him. I brought my concerns to him more than once and he didn’t bother to make changes. He told me once that they’re were just my “opinions”. It was like he didn’t care about the facts (because they sure weren’t my effing opinions) that I presented him. I felt all alone in this “relationship”. It didn’t feel like a relationship. I felt like I was being punked. Where the f*ck is Ashton?
Why did he declare me his woman if it wasn’t something that he truly wanted? I didn’t force him to be with me or gave him any ultimatums. I didn’t put a gun to head when he told me that he loved me. Was all this to appease me for the stunt he pulled with one of my close friends? Was all of this a game to him? Was I just another heart in his jar? I don’t know but I do know that I couldn’t continue to tell a grown ass man how to treat me. That is something that he should have learned from his mother and father’s relationship and other relationships he has been in.
Do I still have feelings for him? Yes, I do. But that will soon pass. I care for him deeply and he became all that I saw. He was every second, minute, and hour to me for these past few months. I was there. I tried to make it work. I turned a blind eye to a lot of his f*ckery. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe he’s not used to my kind of love. Perhaps, he wasn’t worthy of it. There will be a point where the tears will dry and I will think of him less and less. He will become yet another distance memory.
I deserve to be treated better. I am a beautiful, witty, intelligent, giving, loyal, loving, understanding, and passionate woman! I deserve someone who wants to call me. I deserve someone who wants to show me off as their woman. I deserve someone who wants to spend quality time with me. I deserve someone who wants to show me respect. I deserve someone who wants to love me as much as I love them. I deserve all of this and more! I refuse to settle ever again!