Is monogamy just a fairytale? In nearly every fairytale, there is a dashing prince that lives happily ever after with his one and only true love. Is an expectation? It sure seems like it’s a requirement. Society, marriage vows, the television show Cheaters.
These questions always lingered in the back of my mind. I’ve always been at the crossroads on this one.
On one hand, I feel there’s a slim chance of a possibility if one is conditioned to be monogamous. On the other hand, it seems like a difficult and unrealistic expectation. As I grew older, I took an hypocritical stance on it. I wanted my boyfriends to remain monogamous but secretly did my dirty deeds on the side. Horrible, I know.
I don’t recall ever being faithful in any of my long-term /serious relationships. I’d sneaked off campus in high school to cheat on my boyfriend with an older man. I cheated on my ex fiancé with my first love. We eventually drifted apart and I lusted after a series of men. “Lied” and I cheated on each other consistently throughout our 3-year relationship. “Away” was always a phone call away. And I was sleeping with “Same” in the beginning stages of my relationship with “Potential”. No matter how intensely I loved these men, it wasn’t enough. It felt like something was always missing. Or maybe I wanted someone on standby because I always waited for the other shoe to drop. Or maybe I’m just a plain ole relationship saboteur.
Many men I’ve encountered during and in between relationships weren’t so keen on monogamy either. They knew my situations and I knew theirs. I have a thirst for different men (even complete strangers) in fantasy and reality. I know that sounds kinda skanky but its true. I can’t help it. There’s something exciting about a different man every so often. My mind begins to wonder how he may taste, smell, and feel inside of me. I wonder about his mouth and his hands. It’s new, shiny, and waiting to be test-driven. Some that were driven weren’t worth my time but there were some worth cruising around until the wheels fell off. Most just dwelled in my fantasies.
Am I able to be to be completely and utterly faithful? This leads me to my next question. Should my next relationship be open? How would such a conversation go? “Hey, I may not be faithful to you and I know you’re not going to be faithful so…can I fuck or lust after someone else from time to time?” Would someone other than a womanizer agree to that? Would he think that I was a whore? What if one of us decides that we should become exclusive? What if my jealousy boils over?
Questions. Questions. Questions. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
What are your thoughts on monogamy?