Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey has to be one of the most insightful love and relationship books that I have ever read. Some opinions may differ. What made this book so different? It was blunt and did not sugarcoat anything. I found myself reading some passages and cringing because I encountered several things that I have been doing wrong. I’ll try my best not to give the book away but will discuss some key topics that made me say “Hmm”.
There was something new that I learned about men. According to Harvey, when a man isn’t settled in life, chances are he cannot settle with you. This essence of his manhood is determined by who he is, what he does, and how much he makes doing it. When a man feels less than a man, he can’t fully be your man. This made me reflect on a few men that I dated and how they seem lost and aimless. You can almost feel the restlessness in their spirit.
Lately, I’ve seen it in a guy that I’ve been hanging out with. Since he has been laid off. He doesn’t seem complete. He even admitted to me that his dating life is at a standstill since becoming unemployed. I guess it’s true what they say: No finance equals no romance.
The book also clues women in on how men express their love. They profess, provide, and protect. A man who truly loves his woman will bestow her with a proper title (profess) such as girlfriend, wife, fiancée—instead of “friend” or ‘This is such and such”. He will bring home the bacon and/or find other ways to supply her needs (provide). He will also look out for her best interest and keep her from harm’s way (protect). According to Harvey, if a man is not executing all of the following, chances are he doesn’t love her.
Looking back on several relationships, I’ve never received all three. There wasn’t too much professing, sporadic and hesitant providing, and no protection—unless you count condoms.
“Sport Fish Vs. Keepers”, made me cringe a bit. It made me realize what category I feel into. I’ve never established rules, requirements, or standards in order to command respect in relationships—whether romantic or casual. I’ve set my expectations quite low (or expressed them too late) and went with the flow without getting any clarity. I have slept with men before even knowing their favorite color. All of these and several other factors land me in the sports fish category. And he was right, men don’t determine whether a woman is a sports fish or a keeper—a woman determines that by the way she carries herself. Chapter 6 was very eye opening and I have to work on becoming a keeper. I don’t want to be thrown back into the water; I want to be fried up (or grilled), garnished, and presented on a fucking silver platter, damn it!
The book also discusses at length on how women should put forward a set of standards and be willing to walk away if a man doesn’t adhere to them. I can’t recall how many times I’d tossed my standards and feelings aside to put up with utter bullshit because I didn’t want that piece of a man to leave me. Harvey also presented 5 questions that a woman should ask a man before she gets too involved. The questions are quite simple but offer immense clarity to see where a woman stands in his eyes. And let us not forget the 90-day rule. I’ve always envied Joan Clayton on the TV show “Girlfriends” and how she implemented the 90-day rule. When I start dating again, I will try my darndest to utilize that rule. Handing out the goodies prematurely doesn’t seem to be working for me thus far. And let’s face it; I am not getting any younger. I would like to be in a committed relationship and shoot out some babies someday.
All and all, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It offered a no non-sense approach to the male mind, how to implement his concepts, and how us women essentially have the power on how we allow a man to treat us. And it made perfect sense because I could so easily plug my own experiences in certain scenarios.It made me realize that I’ve been acting like a hussy and thinking like a fool. I wish he had written this book in my early 20s. It would have saved me some time and stop beating dead horses of past relationships.
What are your thoughts on Act Like Lady, Think Like A Man?