I have been trying to avoid Soothed. Although the other night was quite hot and exciting, I felt as though that we were going back in time. I think that the other night was a mistake. Why did I let it get so far? How do I expect him to respect me (or my celibacy) if my boobies were in this mouth? After that night, he has made some comments. He’s mentioned that he wanted to ram a dildo in my butt a couple of times. He also wants to see me naked. I brushed it off because I know that I am not going there with him but I know that he wants to take things further sexually.
No offense but if I were to ever revoke my celibacy, I want it to be with someone who wants to have vaginal sex aka regular sex. I would also like it to be with a gratifying penis—not a dildo or any other type of machinery. I can do that myself and have been doing that myself for quite a while now. I want it to be romantic, spontaneous, and passionate—not some “I wanna fuck you like an animal” type of thing. Although I do love it rough but it doesn’t equate to being intimate to me. Does that make sense? I don’t want to feel like a $2 whore taking her whore bath in the sink afterwards.
And anal play/sex doesn’t scream “OMG. I can’t wait!” to me. It screams a resounding and unequivocal “OUCH!” It took me a while to get adjusted to anal sex and my engine is not revving to re-stretch that region again. And the constant self-consciousness and enema usage took out the excitement for me. There were times that I was more concerned about being clean enough than focusing on the pleasure. I know that sounds silly but it’s so true. It also lacked a raw spontaneity and his fetishes for anal play seem to take precedent over everything else.
I know that I cannot avoid him forever. Why did I expect something different when we started to hang out again? Hmm. Silly me, I suppose.