“The One Who Lied” sent me a text message out the blue. What is up with all these dudes coming out of the woodwork lately? Are they reading my blog? Are their ears burning as I type my words? Here is what transpired:
Lied : “Do u hate me?”
Me: “Could you blame me if I somehow did?”
Lied: “I guess not.”
Me: “Why should you care if I hate you or not? You have what you want, a wife and beautiful family. What more could you ask for?”
Lied: (No response.)
(I sent the following text in all of my insecure and depressing glory.)“What do I have? Nothing but false promises and lies. Tell me why no one wants to love me and want to be with me? You should know the answer to that question.”
Lied: “Honestly I don’t no. I loved u for a long time.”
Me: “Not enough. Who could blame you? I’m a mess.”
Lied: “U not a mess.”
I realized how depressing and insecure that I came across and did not text him back. He didn’t text back either. That’s no surprise. I was already experiencing some lows
(being bipolar is a bitch) and he provided salt for me to rub on my emotional wounds. What was I thinking? Why was I even conversing with him? The dude is called Lied for a reason.
His wife recently gave birth to their second daughter. I saw the pics on Facebook in March (no, I am not cyberstalking–just cyberglancing). When I saw him last winter, he claimed that she lost the baby and that they were separating. I believed that she may have lost the baby (he’s the type of dude that will stress you out) but I wasn’t buying the separation thing 100%. I told him that I would need proof if we were to get back together again. He wholeheartedly complied.
But then again, this is classic Lied. And I’m classic Dumb for wanting to believe the words coming out his mouth. In regards to the first child, he claimed that it was his niece or any other source of fuckery (e.g. tv, radio, my imagination) when I heard her in the background. I told him constantly that he could be honest with me. One day he had a daughter. The next day he didn’t. Then he wanted me to have his first child. The lies were endless. As some of you already know (my apologies for the repetition), I finally found out that a wife and child existed via Facebook! The child and marriage were 3 years old by then! Who lies about their children? Who lies about having a wife? What kind of man is that?
I will be painfully honest; I was jealous. We used to bang like rabbits and I never got pregnant. We were involved with each other for several years and he did not take me as his wife. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. So many questions ran rampant in my restless mind.
I feel sorry for his wife. She has children and an habitual liar as a husband. I also feel like a dumb bunny for putting up with the bullshit off and on all those years before she came along. But unlike her, I have the luxury of walking away. There is nothing attaching us.
But throughout these years, my shoes always felt made of cement. And when the next man let me down, I could always scurry back to him. And no one else ever stuck around long enough to notice, care, or deal with it my illness. He was my sounding board. I could say and do crazy shit to him and he stuck around. He stuck around!
But this is getting old. He can’t keep showing up whenever he gets the urge or needs an ego boost. It has been months! If he’s not sending the “Do u hate me” texts, it’s the “Do u still love me” or “Do u miss me” texts. I’m so done. I can’t let this drag on for another 11 years. I am officially washing my hands of him. Stick a fork in us; We’re done!