You May Be a Booty Call If…

I have compiled a list of how to tell if you are a booty call. Some experiences may differ. After being a booty call and booty caller, I have seen it all honey.

You May Be a Booty Call If:

1. He calls/text you at late at night saying that he wants to “hang out” with you. Yeah, he wants to hang his penis in your va jay jay.

2. When you call him, he most likely won’t answer. He may text or call a few days later.

3. You two are never seen together in public, especially in the daytime.

4. You never go out on dates. No dinner or lunch dates. No movies. Just fuck dates.

5. He only texts or have short and impersonal conversations with you. He says just enough to makes you feel he’s paying you some attention to you until it’s time to bust a nut.

6. You have never been to his house or don’t know where he lives. You may meet up with him up outside his residence, work, bus stop, etc. And y’all only have sex at your place, cheap and dingy motels, at Pookie’s and them, etc.

7. He tells you not to fall in love with him or expect a relationship. Or he may even say that he’s not looking to be in a relationship at the moment.

8. Four play is generally rushed or nonexistent.

9. He doesn’t kiss you passionately. He may never kiss you at all.

10. He has detached sex with you. (e.g. hitting it from the back so he doesn’t have to look at you or avoid eye contact during sex)

11. He uses protection with you because he can’t get you pregnant or risk any STDs because he has a wife or steady girlfriend.

12. He never shows you any affection (e.g. kissing, touching, caressing) outside of sex.

13. He cleans up immediately after having sex. He makes sure to get rid of any evidence of the liaison.

14. He makes an excuse to leave your presence after he ejaculates. (e.g. “I have to wake up early in the morning,” or “It’s getting late.”) It was also late when you called me 30 minutes ago. Hmmm…

15. He doesn’t spend the night. And if he has, you can probably can count the rare occasions on one hand.

16. You never cuddle after sex.

17. You never have pillow talk after sex.

18. You have never met any of his friends or family members. He also has no interest in meeting yours either.

19. He doesn’t want anyone to know that you two are messing around. He may even request discretion especially if you all know the same people.

20. He doesn’t share many details of his personal life or may deflect certain questions asked about it.

21. You don’t feel comfortable going to him for help of any kind.

22. He doesn’t celebrate holidays and birthdays with you. You may be lucky enough to get a text message.

23. He lets you know that you’re not the only woman he’s seeing or interested in. (e.g. A former booty buddy told me that my friend was attractive and he secretly wanted to have sex with her.)

24. You are not his friend on any social networking sites. He may fear you may expose him or find out details about his personal life.

This list is representative of my experiences and is not a barometer for yours but it’s damn near close. See if some of these situations resemble your own. If a booty call is what you’re seeking, by all means, have fun but know your role.

Decide if this is something you can deal with short-term, long-term, or not at all. Don’t expect a booty call to morph into a full-blown romantic relationship. Once that oxytocin aka love hormone is released, it pulls at your heartstrings, and you may fall in love. And trust me; you could get your feelings hurt! But that’s another story to be told  at a later time. If you have more reasons to add to the list (or have experienced any of them), please feel free to share.

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