I can be very socially uncomfortable at times. But if I knew you well enough, I am more open…perhaps too open. When I am out and about, there are certain men who stare at me. Ok, let me rephrase that, they stare at my boobs. I used to be so proud of them when I was younger but I can’t stand when a man does that now. It’s not like I wear low cut blouses or dresses (for the most part).
It’s always the drunk, creepy, and/or perverted types. Then I began to make inferences about them. And those inferences have my guard up thus making me anti-social. And when they try to talk to me, I blatantly ignore them but I do it in an “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were talking to me” kind of way. I usually get away with it at times but every so often, I have been cursed out in mumbles by a perverted drunkard.
Although I do want to be with someone and have a long-term and loving relationship, I am scared. I have been hurt so many times and I’ve hurt others. And I can almost always see how shit will end: he will cheat, he has a wife, I will cheat, we will drift apart, he will creep me out, he will think I’m a psychotic bitch, or I make something of our situation that it isn’t. I would love to run into men who are worth talking to, even though I’m more of a social caterpillar than butterfly. I know that all the men can’t be married, unavailable, jerks, liars, controlling, religious fanatics, creepy, perverted, asexual, incarcerated, etc.