After months of sitting and debating about it, I got off my chubby ass and got a gym membership with 24 Hour Fitness. I was looking in the mirror today and got really perturbed by my reflection. I have let myself go this decade. I have jumped from a size 12 to 20. I do not feel sexy or confident. I do not dress the way I used to. I wear a lot of sweatpants and yoga pants and feel self-conscious in public. I look at other women and wonder what I would look like at their size.
I became an emotional eater after having problems with an ex, The One Who Lied. His family made it seem as if I was not good enough for him and I did not know how to handle it. I tried to change but it was not enough. I even went into debt doing it. He cheated. I stayed. I did not love myself enough to know that I deserved better. We broke up in 2002 and managed to still sneak around on and off until mid 2009. I found out that he had a wife and a little girl via Facebook. Ever since that day, I reevaluated every man I ever loved and every decision I have made in regards to men. I had to rid myself of them to find myself again. I’m still searching.
It will be hard not to solve my problems by eating but I have to do it. The problem is still there when every morsel is gone. I am also adopting healthier food choices. I’m ditching the sweets and soda. <—-Wish my luck on that one!
I GOTTA GET MY SEXY BACK!