Jerks Along The Way

I have become acquainted with, dated,  loved, and/or screwed many jerks aka assholes, douche, creeps, bastard, etc. Here are some classic jerk moments from some of the men that were in my life:

  • An ex boyfriend squeezed someone’s ass in front of me and the other chick didn’t mind. When I confronted him about it, he said it wasn’t a big deal. Really?! What if I grabbed your cousin by his shaft?
  • One guy told me once that he has different women in his life because they served different purposes. Really?! What was my purpose? To suck your dick until your toes curled?
  • Another ex said I looked homely and hinted suggestions for me to look more of his type. Really?! He  knew I wasn’t the weave wearing and acrylic nail chick from the start. What am I? Some geek to chic project?
  • After I decided to wear my hair in its natural state (aka nappy), an ex told me to wear a headband because I looked like a dude. Really?! I thought having 46DDDs and a sloppy wet vagina somehow verified I was indeed a woman. Didn’t we just have sex?
  • During an argument, my ex took my glasses off and threw them in the ditch to force me out of his car. Render me damn near blind to get me out the car? Really?! I rather being pushed out while the car was in motion. At least I could see where I landed.
  • One dude said I was dead to him after a misunderstanding. Yeah, dead… It was actually one of the most hurtful things I have ever heard in my lifetime.
  •  One dude told me that my body type was ok as long as I did not gain weight but I needed to lose weight. Really?! He wanted me to lose but maintain my current weight? What a contradiction!
  • I met someone who said he was an intellectual and wanted to get to know my mind. He stared at my boobs the entire time. Really?! What would this “intellectual” conversation consist of: the size of my areolas; do I like them bitten or sucked; when can you place your penis between them?
  • An ex left me in his apartment after making a run (aka seeing another chick I believe). His cousin kept trying to get in his room to have sex with me. I was terrified that he was going to rape me. He showed up 2 hours later.
  • A booty buddy told me that if I ever got pregnant, he would hate me for the rest of my life if I kept the child. Wowzers.

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