I hate Valentine’s Day. I hate it! I have never celebrated that day as romantically as possible. I was in a serious relationship (or so I thought) and we always managed to celebrate Valentine’s the day before or after. I guess that was a red flag I so blatantly ignored. Silly me.
The last time I attempted to celebrate Valentine’s Day was in 2005. I was involved with The One Who Had Potential. We had a brief, sweet, and passionate relationship. He was in a long term relationship with Lisa but after years of her not wanting to get married, he became frustrated. We somehow fell into each other. He was thirsty and I quenched him. I was lonely and he filled the space. I was in love with someone who did not feel the same way and John consoled me. We needed each other at that moment. His recent ex, did not like this. She found my number and began harassing me. When she saw that the harassment wasn’t working, she began framing me. She told Potential that I destroyed her property and keyed his car. She said I was harassing her. It was a nightmare!
Anywho, where was I? Oh yeah. Valentine’s Day. My best friend and I got adjoining rooms at a hotel. We decorated our rooms. There were rose petals on the floor and bed. There were chocolate covered strawberries. Food. Wine. Soft music. Sexy lingerie. The works! I was so excited. This was the first Valentine’s that I felt so good about! He was suppose to meet me in the evening. He wanted to know what I had planned but I wanted to surprise him. He said that he stopped by his ex to give his children Valentine’s gifts and would meet me soon. A few hours past. I heard nothing. I called. He didn’t pick up. That’s when I realized that he wasn’t coming. I was devastated. I put so much work and money into this evening. I must have cried for hours. I thought that I could finally celebrate Valentine’s Day on Valentine’s Day. This day was suppose to be magical, romantic, and unforgettable (in a good way). I haven’t celebrated Valentine’s since then.
What ever happened to Potential? Well, we celebrated Valentine’s the next day. He was extremely apologetic and emotional. He seemed conflicted the next time I saw him. A few weeks later, he broke up with me. The drama with the ex and our relationship took its toll. He decided to work things out with her. A month later, they got married. Yeah. Married. Those two deserve each other.
I hate Valentine’s Day.
I find myself jealous of other people’s love. I get jealous of men buying their girlfriend/wife chocolate and lame and mushy cards. I get jealous of the “He went to Jared’s” commercials. I get jealous of lovers holding hands and making love (not fucking. I can easily get that, lol.). I’m talking about the “look deep in your eyes, stroke your face, and saying I love you” type of making love. I’m jealous of love songs.
As I type, I’m blaring “Sullen Girl” by Fiona Apple in my earphones…
“Is that why they call me a sullen girl — sullen girl.
They don’t know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea
but he washed my shore and he took my pearl
And left and empty shell of me…”
I hate Valentine’s Day.