He Rocked My World & I Left

For the past year, I have abstained from sex. At the time, it felt vital in my self-love journey. Also, working on my first book proved to be a great distraction. I honestly was doing well and didn’t miss it. I no longer abused sex. I no longer used it to self-medicate. I didn’t think it could make someone love me. My mind felt clearer.

This past July I met The One Who is a Nudist on Craigslist.

Wait! Let me explain!

I love reading the Missed Connection section on CL. They range from being humorous, romantic, or downright naughty. You never know what you’re going to get!

There was an ad that caught my eye and I decided to respond. The poster lived in my apartment complex and was looking for someone who was sitting poolside the previous day. He posted a pic of his body and I thought he was the Russian guy that stayed around the corner. I later realized it wasn’t him. We kept chatting anyway and he eventually guessed who I was. He told me what car I drove and that he has checked me out before. We exchanged numbers and chatted from time to time. We even hung out without having sex. His nudity was a bit awkward at first but I started not to notice after a while. I eventually joined in on the fun. It was quite liberating!

He reached out to me after returning from a business trip last month. It was one of those nights when I was feeling lonely and craved human touch. We shared a joint, drank beers and listened to some chill-out music as usual. The vibe was phenomenal.

One thing led to another and his hands and mouth were everywhere! My body became his instrument and he plucked every string! His stamina was mind-blowing. I haven’t had sex like that since my early 20s! I had to tap out after a couple of hours. My soul felt like it was leaving my body.

creamed

He wanted me to spend the night. I’m not used to sleeping next to anyone because they never stay. I’m so used to everyone leaving. It felt very awkward to me. He also snored like a freight train. Around 7am I left while he was sleeping and texted a lame excuse.

It’s been a month and there’s been little to no communication. After he failed to reply to my last couple of messages, I took the hint. Maybe he was offended that I left. Maybe it was a one night thing for him. At this point I do not care. But why did it have to be so good?

IT. WAS. SO. GOOD.

Self-Love: The Struggle is Real

Writing my book has been a cathartic experience for me. Some of it was very hard to write but it was also liberating. The one thing that I struggle with is self-love. One may think that it is easy but there are times that I stumble. I wrote the following poems to challenge myself to look inward and learn how to love myself. 

self-love

if you eat men
and still feel
like you’re starving,
you’re craving something
that they cannot give.

don’t expect men
to fill vessels
that were gifted
to you to overflow.

darling,
find passion
and self-worth within
instead of
locking them
inside of men
who like swallowing keys
so they can keep you
all to themselves.


self-love ii

self-love is a journey.
sometimes you have to take it
in the heat of the day.
you will find yourself
on the side of the road
thirsty, sweaty
and out of breath.

you will crave
instant gratification.
you will want to slither
your way back to your
choice of poison,
throw your head back
and take a desperate gulp
because their skin
is all you know.

please don’t.
it’s time to learn
new things.

it’s time to give the love
you denied yourself
but frantically searched
for in others.
it’s time to realize that
love was never trapped
underneath their
lips and fingertips.
you held it hostage
the entire time.

If you can relate to the following and/or would like to show your support, please consider buying my book. Available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Createspace