Worst Plan Ever

It’s has been nearly 3 months since I had sex. A few nights ago, I nearly had a breakdown. I was crying, feeling lonely and extremely hypersexual. I craved to be kissed, touched and loved (or least lusted after). I needed to feel something. I thought I was going to go mad. So I devised a plan…a very stupid plan. I decided to seduce (or at least seductively flirt with) Silver Fox. Yes, the professor!

I had it all planned out in my head. I would make up a random excuse to go to his office. He would be sitting at his desk. I would come behind him, whisper something dirty in his ear and start kissing on his neck. He would initially object but cave in as his breathing got heavier and heavier. Or I would reach across the desk to touch his hand innocently. Somehow, my touch would send passion through his veins like a wildfire! Desire would overwhelm us and he would take me on his desk LIKE A BOSS!!! Maybe I should lay off the soap operas.

The next day, I wore a “nice but not too nice like I was trying to get attention” dress. It was  Marilyn Monroe meets Zoey Deschanel. Sexy and flirty but with a dash of adorkable. When the moment of seduction drew near, I freshened up and took off my granny panties. I slipped on my sexy red & black lace boy shorts from Frederick’s of Hollywood. I couldn’t seduce him in sweaty ass big ass panties!

“G. U. Y.” by Lady Gaga played in my head as I sashayed to his office.  “I wanna be the girl under you. I wanna be your G.U.Y. Oh yeah!”

No one was there. He was at a department meeting.

“I guess I’ll come back later,” I muttered to myself as I slowly lost all the lady balls I was grabbing just moments earlier.

About an hour later, we ran into each other. Damn it! He was supposed to be at his desk! This wasn’t part of the m-effing plan! Damn it!

“Hi. Dr. ********. I was stopping by to pick up my assignment. Did you make your copy?” I said quite confident of myself.

“Oh. Ok. I think I may have it here,” he awkwardly said. Gosh he is so awkward but it’s kinda cute. My heart started to pound. He opened the door for me and we went inside. I closed his door behind me LIKE A BOSS!!! That awkward dick was going to be mine!!!

“Um…I did not get a chance to make a copy…I’ll be back shortly.”

I started to panic. My lace undies were giving me a major wedgie! I gave myself an internal pep talk. “Wink at him! Touch his hand when he gives your paper back! Lick your lips! Do something!”

He came back and…LEFT THE DOOR WIDE OPEN!!! Damn it! I can’t seduce him with the door opened! Thanks a lot Dr. Oblivious!

He told me that I did very well and thanked me. I thought the thanking me part was weird but I let it slide. We briefly talked about the upcoming term paper. He wanted to know more about my topic.

“Um…I don’t know…I’m still confused about what to do,” I said as I avoided eye contact and shifted my attention to the other professors talking in the hallway.

“Do you have any questions?”

I choked. I couldn’t go through with my sexy yet stupid plan. Too many f*cking barriers.

“No,” I said in disappointment over the opened door, my nervousness and the wedgie that increasingly limited blood circulation to my butt crack!

“No???” he said surprisingly as if he anticipated a different response.

I thanked him for returning my paper and left. All I kept thinking was, “That was so awkward!” and “I need to take off these damn panties!”

Panties on the Floor!

Our kisses were better than this!

Well, it’s official. Operation Avoidance has been aborted. Shortly after I posted my last blog, we end up talking about the other night.

He wanted to know if I had any regrets about it. I expressed that I did. He also told me that he had no expectations of us ever being sexual like we did in the past but wanted me to know that it’s ok to feel sexual. It’s ok to want to be kissed and touched. And that he would exert more control even although he found me irresistible.

Wow. No man has ever told me that I was irresistible before. That made me felt sexy. And the fact that he wanted to resist me intrigued me. As silly as this sounds, I somehow wanted him to resist temptation. I wanted him to lose control so that I could.

Then out of the blue, he asked me the craziest question in the world. He asked me if I was looking to be in a relationship with him. Huh? A relationship? I guess he thought that I wanted to be in a relationship in order to have sex. I’m not going to dive in a relationship just to have sex. That ludicrous! This journey has mostly been about not using sex to self medicate. Becoming celibate wasn’t solely based on withholding sex because I couldn’t find a man. He is a cool person and I like hanging out with him but I don’t see him as a romantic prospect. I couldn’t help but laugh!

I went over to his place later that night. We had dinner, talked, and watched movies. Things got heated again. Very heated. After I used his bathroom, he met me at the sink unexpectedly. We started to kiss passionately. It was one of those kisses that I envied in the movies. It was one of those kisses that unleashed every feeling that has been lying dormant for nearly 2 years.

That’s when I knew that he was right; it was ok to feel sexual. It was overwhelming. The way he kissed and touched me made me feel like a woman again. His sense of control intervened and he said that we needed to get back to the movie. A part of me felt relieved but deferred in my longing. I became addicted to the feeling that he gave me. I craved more of it.

Everything else became a blur after we sat back on the couch. I was paralyzed in longing and didn’t care what happened next. We began to make out again. He led me to his bedroom. He undressed, kissed, and licked me all over my body. He wanted me to lay there as he gave me pleasure and honey chile I was ok with that! LOL! Every kiss and every touch felt like fire! He took me into his mouth and the feelings I felt were indescribable. All I could do was moan and shudder in ecstasy. I was shaking like a leaf! He inserted his fingers inside of me and I got wetter and wetter. My body was yielding to him—something that I never thought would happen ever again. I had two orgasms and felt sleepy. The intensity of it all tired me!

I woke up later and found him playing a video game. I told him that I was going upstairs to sleep in my bed. He wanted to join me but I declined. I wanted to snore, drool, and didn’t want any witnesses. LOL! I also needed to time to reflect on what happened. I told him that I had fun and would talk to him later.

Did I see this as another celibacy setback? No. I was in complete control and didn’t use the situation to make me feel better about myself. I also didn’t wake up the next morning regretting it. In fact, the opposite happened. I kept reliving it and need to feel that way again—soon. I wanted those panties on the floor again!

Stay tuned for what happened next…