Drunk Calling & Sleep Talking

I know that you guys have heard of drunk texting and drunk calling but have you ever heard of sleep talking? It’s when you are talking in your sleep, on the phone or any other setting but you’re not fully conscious that you’re doing so. I never thought that such a thing could ever happen to me. I’m more of a drunk texting type of chick.

In the wee hours of the morning, Lawyer called me up again. He lost a case earlier that day, was drinking and couldn’t sleep. He told me about his recent move to another city and that he missed me. He also said that I should have been his wife. He wanted to know if I was his. He was saying and asking me so many things that I couldn’t even keep up. All I could muster in my sleep induced stupor were one word responses like “yeah”, “really”, “ok”. This may be seem unbelievable but the conversation didn’t seem real to me and I didn’t take it seriously. He was all over the place. Did he drunk call me?

He then asked if he could have me one last time. I declined—initially. He started saying things that excited me and things got very heated. We end up having phone sex. And it wasn’t the, “It’s 1:30am I can’t be too loud because of the neighbors” phone sex. It was the “I don’t give a damn who hears me” phone sex. After things simmered down, he told me to call him later that morning. Some time later, I went to the bathroom and noticed that my phone was in my hand—which seemed very odd. I began to wonder if the call was actually real. I looked at the call log and saw that we talked for over 30 minutes!

After coming to that realization, I cried. I don’t know why but I did. Why did I cry? Did I cry because I felt foolish? Did a part of me believed the things he told me? Did I regret not seeing him before he left town?

I didn’t return his call.

650 Days Celibate!

Pigs have definitely flew, at least in my world. I’ve been celibate for 650 days! I don’t think you people understand! I’ve been celibate for 1 year, 9 months, and 12 days aka 15, 600 hours aka 936,000 minutes aka 56, 160, 000 seconds and counting!

I almost cannot believe it myself. The one who used to be so promiscuous is celibate. The one who always thought about sex is celibate. The one who just had to have it is celibate. My pussy is literally speechless. I did not think that I had in me. Some of my former sex partners did not think that I had it in me. Hell, Bertha aka my pussy did not think she had it in her. She feels like a brand new va jay jay.

A few people (mostly men) ask me how do I control my urges. It was hard for me at first but it got easier as time passed. I call off urges by thinking about past relationships and sexual arrangements that I was involved in. I vow to myself not to make the same mistakes again. I rebuke the urges by concentrating on other things. I will pick up a book. I write. I listen to music. I hang out with friends. I lived life as usual. But when the urges get uncontrollable; I do a variety of things.

I fantasize. I schedule play dates with my toyfriends—a term I fondly call my sex toys. I watch porn but end up critiquing more than enjoying though. Why do some women do that? And a couple of times, I attempted to have phone sex with a stranger on the chat line. Yes, attempted. I abruptly hang up the phone when the other caller is about to get their happy ending. Why? I always have to laugh (perhaps out of sheer embarrassment or the callers’ excessive grunting). I have to hang up before any laughter is unleashed.

Humor has really helped in my journey. I also have to thank The Universe, patience, strength, solitude, a portion of my sanity and insanity. And chocolate. I have to thank chocolate! And those slices of white cake with white icing that Randalls Food Market sells! Um…yeah….I’m off my diet. Anywho…where was I?

650 days. Can I make another 650 days? Hopefully, I will meet my soul mate before that time. It’s liberating to know that sex doesn’t consume me anymore. I consume it…whatever that’s suppose to mean. The last time I went without sex for an extended period of time was around ’96/’97 for 8 months. And if you’re trying to calculate my age at that time, I was around 16/17.  So this is a big accomplishment for me. Pardon me as I relish in it.