A Complete 180°

Something happened Sunday morning that has thrown me in a tailspin. A week after Intrigue told me his plans of practicing polygamy, he had something new to tell me. We haven’t conversed much since he dropped the previous bombshell. I would be lying if I said that he hasn’t been on my mind though. I am very drawn to him and we have a lot in common. My plan was still to run as fast as I could though! I couldn’t see myself being a part of a polygamist lifestyle. I began to wonder if Lawyer and I was something I wanted to pursue too. I had doubts about both situations. They weren’t exactly picture perfect.

The only reason why I fled to Lawyer was because Intrigue was dating other people. Even though I should naturally explore my options anyway, I in essence started to see him because my ego felt bruised. I made Intrigue a priority when I was one of his options. I felt like a fool because I didn’t have a backup. Now I know that I should date other people as way to expand my horizons, not to use as a bandage or a coping mechanism. 

You’re dating other people? Aren’t I good enough for you negro?

Speaking of Lawyer, I failed to share that we were polar opposites. He is a Christian; I’m non-religious. He has a street mentality; I’m the hippie holding the peace sign. He’s a werewolf; I’m a vampire. He doesn’t even kiss me. When I do show affection, he seems a little put off by it. Although his stamina (and rod) is utterly amazing, we lack a level of intimacy during sex. After spending the past weekend with him, I’m feeling increasingly unfulfilled. I feel more like his sidekick instead of someone he passionately desires.

Before leaving Lawyer’s place, Intrigue contacted me. I called him after I arrived back home and he told me some news that floored me. He said that he has been doing some reflecting this past week and decided that polygamy is not an option that he wants to pursue anymore. Whaaaaaa??? Stop the presses!!! Where did this sudden change of heart dropped in and exploded from?

Pardon me as I partake in my happy dance.

He said that he had a talk with a friend and it made him reconsider his viewpoint. He wouldn’t go into specifics about their conversation but said that she mirrored some of the things I expressed. He said that he feels that being in a monogamous relationship at this point of his life is what’s best. He did stress that he is still going to date other people in the meantime but will narrow it down to one in the end. This has went from an episode of Sister Wives to The Bachelor!

I wonder what else influenced his decision because he seemed so gung-ho about it just days earlier. He was so self-righteous and spoke so matter of factly about it. It was a complete 180°. Did he approach other women about his desires to practice polygamy? Did these other women b*tch slap him? Did he realize that a man of his means couldn’t afford this lifestyle? How could one conversation undo everything—especially after the type of upbringing he had?

What did you just say???!!! You want to visit other cats and deposit in their litter boxes?

He opened up to me about his feelings for me. He told me that I’m a great person and that us being just friends couldn’t be an alternative for us. (Sidenote: If that’s the case, why is dating other chicks? Hmm. I digress…) He also expressed that my lack of contact bothered him. It made him wonder if I truly had interest in him. I will admit that I am terrible at not calling. Nearly all the dating experts say that the man should initiate contact. It’s been something that I’ve adopted because calling men like a pesky telemarketer didn’t particularly work in my favor either. I thought I was doing him a favor. (shrugs shoulders)

My friends wonders if this sudden revelation is sincere. He’s always made the effort to be honest with me and I don’t doubt his sincerity. This new revelation doesn’t mean I will drop everything and run slow motion into his arms. I am walking cautiously and sightseeing along the way to exercise my options too. If we arrive at the final destination hand in hand, fine. If not, that’s cool too.

I Sure Know How To Pick ‘Em (Part II)

Intrigue wanted to see me. I had a date with him the week prior but I decided to cancel it last minute. I didn’t think it would be a great idea partly because I shifted my focus to the Lawyer. I also wasn’t too thrilled with the “I’m dating other women” bit. I was bored and I figured hanging out with him wouldn’t hurt. Besides, it would take my mind off the suddenly aloof Lawyer.

I prepared dinner and went to his place. We talked, watched a few episodes of an old-school comedy sketch show and laughed our asses off. We were also being playful and touchy feely. Then, he began to kiss me. He started at my forehead, kissed every inch of my face and made his way to my neck. It was so sensual. I felt so delicate pressed against him. I eagerly and passionately reciprocated. His soft kisses started a fire in me that the Lawyer didn’t provide. I was captivated. We didn’t have sex but those kisses were all the penetration that I needed. We ate our dinner and feel asleep after watching a couple of movies.

The next morning, we had an interesting conversation. Again, by interesting, I don’t mean butterflies and unicorns. The discussion was about him being with other women. Of course I knew that he dated other women. That was uncomfortably established a few weeks ago but the sting hurt less now because I was seeing someone else. He began to expand on the situation more. He has intentions on becoming a polygamist. He wanted to know if I could see myself adapting to his lifestyle. WTF?! I don’t recall seeing this tidbit on his OkCupid profile!

from http://www.picturesandjokes.com/

Here comes the brides. All dressed in white.

Dating multiple people is vastly different than a polyamorous union. Generally, when dating multiple people, one person is chosen in the end for exclusivity. The fact that his father is also a polygamist and has injected enough baby batter to make 150+ children floored me too. I truly felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I wanted Calgon to take me away!

After getting over my initial bewilderment (as calmly as I could), I told him that I have been in situations in which I was aware of the other woman or was the other woman myself and I wasn’t willing to be a part of that again. I also told him about my extreme jealously and emotionality. Sure, it would make for a great blog but damn, how would I ever post if I were in a padded room rocking back and forth in a strait jacket?

He expressed that many men take up other lovers secretly but at least he was being upfront about his intentions. He also said that most women couldn’t handle the polygamous lifestyle and that being jealous and highly emotional is unhealthy. He even suggested that I look within to change those traits. In some ways, I can agree with that. I tend to let my emotions rule me and they have led to many regrettable decisions in my life. But with that being said, I wasn’t going to work on myself just to be in accordance with his lifestyle!

…And not these other b*tches!

There was a small part of me that briefly considered this arrangement in a moment of temporary insanity. It would incubate and sustain this love addiction of mine–until a next supplier of “love” came along. I want to belong to someone. I’m tired of being alone and finding myself in meaningless relationships. So what if I had to share? I’ve knowingly and unknowingly shared men before anyway. And besides, I don’t have much faith in monogamy. I’m also no spring chicken. I’m 32 and childless. Maybe I should just get in where I fit in before all my eggs shrivel up and roll out my vagina like a tumbleweed.

But then I began to think more logically. I do want someone to belong to me and only me. Although I am tired of being alone, I may feel even more alone when it’s time to share him with other women. It’s not like I ever wanted to be the other woman. I just found (and lost) myself in these situations. I did not have enough self-love to want or require more. Even though I don’t have much faith in monogamy, I would like to be proven wrong one day. Yes, I am 32 and childless but does that mean I have to settle for this particular arrangement? I know sharing is caring but I do not care for this situation at hand! This sh*t is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!!

I sure do know how to pick ‘em, huh? I can’t even make this stuff up. I honestly wish I could. Sometimes I wonder if this is real life or am I being constantly punked? I try to put myself out there and this is what happens. I try to move on from the men I tend to recycle in my life (and vagina) and this is what I get. Maybe it’s time to start that cat collection. I’ve already selected names.

Meow!!! Special delivery!!!