I Sure Know How To Pick ‘Em (Part II)

Intrigue wanted to see me. I had a date with him the week prior but I decided to cancel it last minute. I didn’t think it would be a great idea partly because I shifted my focus to the Lawyer. I also wasn’t too thrilled with the “I’m dating other women” bit. I was bored and I figured hanging out with him wouldn’t hurt. Besides, it would take my mind off the suddenly aloof Lawyer.

I prepared dinner and went to his place. We talked, watched a few episodes of an old-school comedy sketch show and laughed our asses off. We were also being playful and touchy feely. Then, he began to kiss me. He started at my forehead, kissed every inch of my face and made his way to my neck. It was so sensual. I felt so delicate pressed against him. I eagerly and passionately reciprocated. His soft kisses started a fire in me that the Lawyer didn’t provide. I was captivated. We didn’t have sex but those kisses were all the penetration that I needed. We ate our dinner and feel asleep after watching a couple of movies.

The next morning, we had an interesting conversation. Again, by interesting, I don’t mean butterflies and unicorns. The discussion was about him being with other women. Of course I knew that he dated other women. That was uncomfortably established a few weeks ago but the sting hurt less now because I was seeing someone else. He began to expand on the situation more. He has intentions on becoming a polygamist. He wanted to know if I could see myself adapting to his lifestyle. WTF?! I don’t recall seeing this tidbit on his OkCupid profile!

Here comes the brides. All dressed in white.

Dating multiple people is vastly different than a polyamorous union. Generally, when dating multiple people, one person is chosen in the end for exclusivity. The fact that his father is also a polygamist and has injected enough baby batter to make 150+ children floored me too. I truly felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I wanted Calgon to take me away!

After getting over my initial bewilderment (as calmly as I could), I told him that I have been in situations in which I was aware of the other woman or was the other woman myself and I wasn’t willing to be a part of that again. I also told him about my extreme jealously and emotionality. Sure, it would make for a great blog but damn, how would I ever post if I were in a padded room rocking back and forth in a strait jacket?

He expressed that many men take up other lovers secretly but at least he was being upfront about his intentions. He also said that most women couldn’t handle the polygamous lifestyle and that being jealous and highly emotional is unhealthy. He even suggested that I look within to change those traits. In some ways, I can agree with that. I tend to let my emotions rule me and they have led to many regrettable decisions in my life. But with that being said, I wasn’t going to work on myself just to be in accordance with his lifestyle!

…And not these other b*tches!

There was a small part of me that briefly considered this arrangement in a moment of temporary insanity. It would incubate and sustain this love addiction of mine–until a next supplier of “love” came along. I want to belong to someone. I’m tired of being alone and finding myself in meaningless relationships. So what if I had to share? I’ve knowingly and unknowingly shared men before anyway. And besides, I don’t have much faith in monogamy. I’m also no spring chicken. I’m 32 and childless. Maybe I should just get in where I fit in before all my eggs shrivel up and roll out my vagina like a tumbleweed.

But then I began to think more logically. I do want someone to belong to me and only me. Although I am tired of being alone, I may feel even more alone when it’s time to share him with other women. It’s not like I ever wanted to be the other woman. I just found (and lost) myself in these situations. I did not have enough self-love to want or require more. Even though I don’t have much faith in monogamy, I would like to be proven wrong one day. Yes, I am 32 and childless but does that mean I have to settle for this particular arrangement? I know sharing is caring but I do not care for this situation at hand! This sh*t is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!!

I sure do know how to pick ‘em, huh? I can’t even make this stuff up. I honestly wish I could. Sometimes I wonder if this is real life or am I being constantly punked? I try to put myself out there and this is what happens. I try to move on from the men I tend to recycle in my life (and vagina) and this is what I get. Maybe it’s time to start that cat collection. I’ve already selected names.

Meow!!! Special delivery!!!

Is Monogamy a Fairytale?

Is monogamy just a fairytale? In nearly every fairytale, there is a dashing prince that lives happily ever after with his one and only true love. Is an expectation? It sure seems like it’s a requirement. Society, marriage vows, the television show Cheaters.

 These questions always lingered in the back of my mind. I’ve always been at the crossroads on this one. On one hand, I feel there’s a slim chance of a possibility if one is conditioned to be monogamous. On the other hand, it seems like a difficult and unrealistic expectation. As I grew older, I took an hypocritical stance on it. I wanted my boyfriends to remain monogamous but secretly did my dirty deeds on the side. Horrible, I know.

 I don’t recall ever being faithful in any of my long-term /serious relationships. I’d sneaked off campus in high school to cheat on my boyfriend with an older man. I cheated on my ex fiancé with my first love. We eventually drifted apart and I lusted after a series of men. “Lied” and I cheated on each other consistently throughout our 3-year relationship. “Away” was always a phone call away. And I was sleeping with “Same” in the beginning stages of my relationship with “Potential”. No matter how intensely I loved these men, it wasn’t enough. It felt like something was always missing. Or maybe I wanted someone on standby because I always waited for the other shoe to drop. Or maybe I’m just a plain ole relationship saboteur.

 Many men I’ve encountered during and in between relationships weren’t so keen on monogamy either. They knew my situations and I knew theirs. I have a thirst for different men (even complete strangers) in fantasy and reality. I know that sounds kinda skanky but its true. I can’t help it. There’s something exciting about a different man every so often. My mind begins to wonder how he may taste, smell, and feel inside of me. I wonder about his mouth and his hands. It’s new, shiny, and waiting to be test-driven. Some that were driven weren’t worth my time but there were some worth cruising around until the wheels fell off. Most just dwelled in my fantasies.

 Am I able to be to be completely and utterly faithful? This leads me to my next question. Should my next relationship be open? How would such a conversation go? “Hey, I may not be faithful to you and I know you’re not going to be faithful so…can I fuck or lust after someone else from time to time?” Would someone other than a womanizer agree to that? Would he think that I was a whore? What if one of us decides that we should become exclusive? What if my jealousy boils over?

Questions. Questions. Questions. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

What are your thoughts on monogamy?