I have learned, relearned and currently learning several things throughout my 32 years of life. There are some things that I wish I could tell my younger self. Would I have listened? I do not know but it would have been worth a shot. But not all hope is lost though. I still have a chance to turn some of these things around. I would tell my younger self:
- Sex does not equate love.
- Do not be afraid to speak your mind.
- Love yourself.
- Stuffing your face or vagina does not solve any of your problems.
- Do not let anyone violate you and get away with it. Tell someone!
- Do not be afraid to try something new.
- Trust your instincts.
- Do not conform in order to make others feel better.
- You are beautiful and worthy.
- Do not put other people’s feelings before your own. Your feelings matter too!
- Pick 1 major in college and stick with it.
- Apply for more scholarships to avoid raking up student loans.
- Do not make some jerk the center of your universe.
- Do not change yourself or stick around hoping that some jerk will love or choose you.
- Adopt a healthier lifestyle.
- Do not give your power away.
- When you realize it is time to let go, please let go.
- Avoid credit card debt.
- Be more confident.
- Do not be anyone’s flunkie!
- Do not hold any grudges.
- Do not become involved with a man who is romantically and emotionally unavailable.
- Do not let past mistakes or missed opportunities consume you.
- Become more proactive and positive. Do not give up so easily when you are depressed or frustrated.
- Getting help for a mood disorder should not make you feel embarrassed or less than a person.
What are some things that you would tell your younger self?
It seems like forever since I have blogged. I had plenty to say but just didn’t know how to say it. Foolishly, I kept in contact with Lawyer but didn’t see him in person. The last straw (and I really mean it this time) came nearly 2 weeks ago when he told me that Black women were only good for sex and that he would never consider dating them. A Black man had a nerve to tell me this. This hurts in a way that you could never imagine—especially when it came from someone of my own race. I would have rather been called the n-word and dangled from the highest tree by a non-Black person.
Shortly after my last post, things were ok—not perfect, but ok. I purchased a couple of self-help books on personal growth. I made a decision to go on a fast from men. I began to exercise a little more. Everything was under control. The past week or so didn’t go as planned. My mood was going up and down and I became entrapped with the hypersexuality associated with bipolar disorder. There was no way I could ever let Lawyer touch me again so I slept with Soothed and Lied instead. After the high wore off from these liaisons, I felt awful but I felt like I could not control myself. These incidences made me realize that it was time to reach out to psychiatrist and set up an appointment. I have not taken any medication since February and it was starting to show. Even my mother noticed how withdrawn, irritated and/or depressed I would be at times.
As I slowly came out of this bipolar induced slumber, I learned the power of saying no. Intrigue contacted me yesterday and told me that he wanted to start dating me again. It did not work out with the other chick or so he said. I told him that his proposal made me feel like a rebound chick. After not hearing from him for nearly a month, I’m suddenly on his radar? Please! He expressed that wasn’t the case and that maybe this was our way of rediscovering one another. After thinking about it, I felt it was not a good idea. I told him that I was not interested in dating anyone at the moment. Saying no felt like a victory to me. For once, I did not feel the need to be a people pleaser or feel bad about my decision.
Things are slowly looking up and I have to keep pressing on.