Online Dating Truly Annoys Me

A few weeks ago, I decided to dive back into online dating at my best friend’s urging. She was on Plenty of Fish and received many responses. I’ve never been on POF so I decided to reactivate my OkCupid account instead. Last year on OkCupid, I met The One Who Intrigues Me (the guy who wanted to become a polygamist). (Side note: He recently apologized and we went on another date. There were no sparks. I let him down gently and haven’t heard from him since.) Anyhoo, going back to OkCupid was pretty much a bust. There were tumbleweeds in my inbox. Also, I came across The One Who Soothed Me profile during a search. Yeah, that was awkward.

After leaving that ghost town, I decided to give POF a try. Boy was she right! I received messages left and right. It was unbelievable. And most of the guys were easy on the eyes! Where have these sexy specimens been all my life? I felt like a Beyoncé in the midst of admirers. I wasn’t accustomed to this type of attention that seemed to gush out like a glorious fountain. My ego was eating this up! I figured if I were to find someone new, I would move on from these jerks I attract. Maybe I would find The One.

Initially, POF was fun but it became overwhelming and irritating. The One Who Never Let Up found me and flooded my inbox daily. It became so severe that I blocked him. Also, Soothed had a profile on POF too! Was he going for some damn dating profile record? In addition, the messages that flooded in were the same ole same ole. No one really stood out. It was the same compliments, small talk and number exchange requests. It was like they were reading from the same script. Besides, I couldn’t possibly give my phone number to nearly 20 guys. What was a girl to do?

I exchanged numbers with 3 prospects simply because they were chattier than others. It turned out they weren’t so chatty. They solely communicated with me via text. Does anyone pick up the damn phone anymore? This seemed all too familiar. It reminded me of The One Who Loves to Text. These were 3 smelly big red flags. They vanished after I stopped responding. I didn’t see the point. They were probably married or had a girlfriend.

I grew even more irritated. I deleted my profile. This was the most annoying 3 weeks of my life.

Honestly, I don’t think that I am ready to date. I’m still on this journey of self-love and discovery. A sista gets lonely though. I lie awake at night wanting someone to find me in the dark. I want to get lost in someone’s eyes. I can’t remember the last time I was kissed and lost my breath. I want to fight and make up. I want to walk hand in hand. I want people to tell my boo and I that we’re such a cute couple.

Although I want those things, I don’t want to get to the point where a man is my only source of happiness. I want to complement him, not consume him. Been there, done that and have a t-shirt two sizes too small. Masturbation gets redundant but another casual relationship will only add more fuel to my love addiction’s fire. Maybe I’m just better off alone for now. Maybe I should get a cat or update my toy collection. Hubba. Hubba.

(Another side note: A few days after I deleted my profile, Soothed asked me if I was still on POF because he didn’t see me anymore. Why was he even looking for me? I told him that POF wasn’t my cup of tea.) 

Yet Another Dating Mis√adventure

So…I had date recently. We have been conversing back and forth on Facebook a while now. Eventually, we began communicating outside of social media. (Sidenote: I actually thought he was this guy that I conversed with in my Myspace days but yeah…I was wrong.) Anywho, he seemed like a cool guy. He is the type that I usually go for physically and intellectually but somehow I wasn’t attracted to him.

I think my last experience has me wary about getting too involved and has made me somewhat cold. I don’t put all my eggs in one basket anymore. I’ve actually kicked the eggs and the basket to the curb. They seem to weigh me down and disappoint me every time.

He asked me out to the movies and I accepted the invitation. I didn’t have any expectations. I didn’t expect to be so taken by him that I would pick out baby names. But yet and still, going on a date should have at least excited me a little bit. I really don’t get out much. My last real date was in early April.

He picked me up at my apartment complex. Although we were conversing, the energy felt slightly awkward. Also, when I would ask a question, they went unanswered or he would give me a response that didn’t cater to the question. It was as if he was ignoring me. I found this odd but didn’t make a big deal out of it. Another thing that irked me was his driving. It seemed somewhat erratic even though his eyes were on the road the entire time. It was kind of weird.  I didn’t know what to make of it.

When we arrived at the movie theater, he complained about the $3 parking fee. Yeah, he had the nerve to complain about $3. We drove around looking for a free spot for several minutes before he finally caved in—but not without giving the parking attendant hell about it. He wanted a rundown of what he was paying for! It was so embarrassing!

He purchased the tickets for Borne Legacy and we proceeded to our designated area. I leaned in to whisper a joke into his right ear but something out of the ordinary occurred. He handed me some weird contraption attached to a cord. He informed me that he couldn’t hear out of his right ear and wanted me to talk into his amplifier. I was taken aback by it and declined. There were people around us and I couldn’t really whisper anymore.

After the movies, we drove around aimlessly looking for a place to eat. He finally decided on a Tex-Mex restaurant. He didn’t ask what I wanted and order 2 tacos for me. Then he proceeded to give the cashier a hard time about ingredients in an item that he didn’t even order. Can you say embarrassed yet again? When we got into his truck, he let me inside and he walked to McDonald’s to get a free cup of water for himself. I couldn’t wait to get home! This dude was rude and to top it off—cheap!

We ate our tacos on the road. We gave each a hug when he dropped me off. I knew at that moment that I probably wouldn’t see him again. The spark wasn’t there and he seemed a bit rude. A few days later, I found out that he was a Bible fanatic. If that wasn’t enough, he was also a raging homophobe who felt that all homosexuals deserved to be murdered. Then he insulted me for being nonreligious.

In addition, I found out about why he drove the way he did—he doesn’t have sight in his right eye. Maybe I’m wrong but I think that was something that I should have known beforehand—especially if he was driving me around. We could have gotten into an accident. I would have offered to drive.

He has asked me out since but I’ve either made up some bogus excuse or got saved by a real one. What is up with my dating life this year? First, I dated a jerk that blatantly ignored me. Then there was the jerk that wanted to be a polygamist. Then I dated another jerk that didn’t like Black women but was Black his damn self. Gosh, can I please just date a normal guy this year?